Everyone can use more romance.  And when we discuss romance, we are not just talking about sex, either.  Romance is intimacy and togetherness.  It is about sharing special time together and enjoying every minute of it. 

Romance is especially lacking in couples with children because of the added time and commitment — and subsequent stress — required to raise a family.  So couples with children usually have less free time and added stress compared to couples without children.

Romance is a two-way street.  Just because you are happy does not mean your partner is.  It must be given and received for both to be satisfied in the relationship.

Best Ways to Have More Romance

* Talk with each other about your relationship.
Have you ever actually asked your partner if they are happy in the relationship — not just assuming they are happy, but actually asking them and talking about it?  Ask what they like and don’t like.  Ask what they would like to see changed.

* Take time out for walks, talks, and dinners out.
You need to take time out to talk.  Walks and dinners are a great time to have a conversation, giving you time to tell your partner your thoughts or concerns.  Communication is the cornerstone of a successful relationship.  The problem is that most of us hide our concerns and avoid talking about them as a couple.  If you are a team, you should solve them together.

* Leave little notes of love.
Leave little notes for your partner saying how much you love and appreciate them.  Leave the notes in places they will definitely be seen, like the bathroom mirror, inside the car, or on a door handle.

* Set aside time to be alone.
You should take time out for intimacy, for sex, or just cuddling while watching a movie.  The time should be scheduled during your week, almost like an appointment.  If it is not given that level of importance, it will be forgotten.

* Flirt and be spontaneous.
After we have been in a relationship a while, we forget what it was like to date.  The flirting goes away, the spontaneity stops, and we get too comfortable with our relationship.  Flirting and spontaneity bring out emotions in us that might not normally occur.  Flirting shows we are wanted, gives us attention, and can show someone we have an element of lust for them.  We all need to be wanted, but being taken for granted is commonplace in a longer relationship.

Spontaneity is elements of mystery, surprise, and suspense.  If you know your partner is spontaneous, you will always be wondering what is up his or her sleeve next.  It is a surprise because even though you may know something is coming, you are still shocked.  It is suspenseful because you can’t wait for that something to come.  You know something is coming, and you want it to arrive.

* Boast about your partner in public.
When you and your partner are out with others, tell a story about something special your partner did for you.  Everyone likes to be recognized, and when it is in front of others they will surely take notice and reciprocate.

* Take day trips or take a class together.
If neither of you gets much vacation time, take a day or a weekend trip.  These mini vacations can be very fun and give you both something to look forward to, instead of just another weekend.

To break up the week, you can participate in an organized activity together, like taking a ballroom dancing class or joining a softball league.  This gives you a chance to interact with other adults beyond your usual circle of friends or coworkers.  What you do is not as important as doing it together and doing it regularly … although it should be something you think you might enjoy.

Romance Tips for Couples with Children

* Your children do not need to rule your life.
This might seem harsh, but if you do not take time for yourself and your partner, the children will rule your life.  Everyone needs time to unwind and have fun, and your relationship needs its own time or it will falter. You must make sure you schedule the time for each other.

* Your children don’t need to go on every vacation.
Many couples think that once they have children, they must only have family vacations.  This is not true.  Family vacations are important, but so are vacations with your partner.  Leaving your kids at grandma’s for a long weekend is perfectly OK, and may be just what you need to keep the close bond in your love relationship.  The kids will most likely be happy to stay at grandma’s house and the two of you will enjoy the quiet time alone.

* Talk about the things that drew you together.
When you do take the time to talk with your partner, it does not always have to be about the kids.  Talk about things you used to talk about before you had children — your common interests or hobbies.  There was something you enjoyed talking about and something that made your companionship strong before the children came along.  Go back to those times now and then to keep from making your relationship all about the children.

* Flirt.
The idea that flirting stops when the children arrive is also a myth.  Flirting is fun, and even with children around it can be done tactfully.  Some public displays of affection show kids what a loving relationships looks like.  If the children are young, it is even easier to flirt with your partner.

* Keep your bedroom as your romantic getaway.
Keep the children and their belongings out of your bedroom.  Having the kids sleep in your bed will kill your love life quicker than anything else, and having their stuff around won’t help you get into a mood for romance.  Instead, display items that the two of you shared together.  Pictures of the two of you are a nice reminder of your relationship and how it has grown.

* Set aside time to be alone.
This goes beyond just taking time together for vacations.  It is about both of you making an effort to be together, whether eating together or taking a walk together instead of one person watching TV while the other works on the computer.

After the children are in bed should be your time together, if possible.  A lot of couples clean the house after the children are in bed — the key is to do it together.  It is a chance to talk and  communicate your thoughts and feelings.