How do you discover your real purpose in life? I’m not talking about your job, your daily responsibilities, or even your long-term goals. I mean the real reason why you’re here at all — the very reason you exist.

Perhaps you’re a rather nihilistic person who doesn’t believe you have a purpose and that life has no meaning. Doesn’t matter. Not believing that you have a purpose won’t prevent you from discovering it, just as a lack of belief in gravity won’t prevent you from tripping. All that a lack of belief will do is make it take longer, so if you’re one of those people, just change the number 20 in the title of this blog entry to 40 (or 60 if you’re really stubborn). Most likely though if you don’t believe you have a purpose, then you probably won’t believe what I’m saying anyway, but even so, what’s the risk of investing an hour just in case?

Here’s a story about Bruce Lee which sets the stage for this little exercise. A master martial artist asked Bruce to teach him everything Bruce knew about martial arts. Bruce held up two cups, both filled with liquid. “The first cup,” said Bruce, “represents all of your knowledge about martial arts. The second cup represents all of my knowledge about martial arts. If you want to fill your cup with my knowledge, you must first empty your cup of your knowledge.”

If you want to discover your true purpose in life, you must first empty your mind of all the false purposes you’ve been taught (including the idea that you may have no purpose at all).

So how to discover your purpose in life? While there are many ways to do this, some of them fairly involved, here is one of the simplest that anyone can do. The more open you are to this process, and the more you expect it to work, the faster it will work for you. But not being open to it or having doubts about it or thinking it’s an entirely idiotic and meaningless waste of time won’t prevent it from working as long as you stick with it — again, it will just take longer to converge.

Here’s what to do:

1. Take out a blank sheet of paper or open up a word processor where you can type (I prefer the latter because it’s faster).
2. Write at the top, “What is my true purpose in life?”
3. Write an answer (any answer) that pops into your head. It doesn’t have to be a complete sentence. A short phrase is fine.
4. Repeat step 3 until you write the answer that makes you cry. This is your purpose.

That’s it. It doesn’t matter if you’re a counselor or an engineer or a bodybuilder. To some people this exercise will make perfect sense. To others it will seem utterly stupid. Usually it takes 15-20 minutes to clear your head of all the clutter and the social conditioning about what you think your purpose in life is. The false answers will come from your mind and your memories. But when the true answer finally arrives, it will feel like it’s coming to you from a different source entirely.

For those who are very entrenched in low-awareness living, it will take a lot longer to get all the false answers out, possibly more than an hour. But if you persist, after 100 or 200 or maybe even 500 answers, you’ll be struck by the answer that causes you to surge with emotion, the answer that breaks you. If you’ve never done this, it may very well sound silly to you. So let it seem silly, and do it anyway.

As you go through this process, some of your answers will be very similar. You may even re-list previous answers. Then you might head off on a new tangent and generate 10-20 more answers along some other theme. And that’s fine. You can list whatever answer pops into your head as long as you just keep writing.

At some point during the process (typically after about 50-100 answers), you may want to quit and just can’t see it converging. You may feel the urge to get up and make an excuse to do something else. That’s normal. Push past this resistance, and just keep writing. The feeling of resistance will eventually pass.

You may also discover a few answers that seem to give you a mini-surge of emotion, but they don’t quite make you cry — they’re just a bit off. Highlight those answers as you go along, so you can come back to them to generate new permutations. Each reflects a piece of your purpose, but individually they aren’t complete. When you start getting these kinds of answers, it just means you’re getting warm. Keep going.

It’s important to do this alone and with no interruptions. If you’re a nihilist, then feel free to start with the answer, “I don’t have a purpose,” or “Life is meaningless,” and take it from there. If you keep at it, you’ll still eventually converge.

When I did this exercise, it took me about 25 minutes, and I reached my final answer at step 106. Partial pieces of the answer (mini-surges) appeared at steps 17, 39, and 53, and then the bulk of it fell into place and was refined through steps 100-106. I felt the feeling of resistance (wanting to get up and do something else, expecting the process to fail, feeling very impatient and even irritated) around steps 55-60. At step 80 I took a 2-minute break to close my eyes, relax, clear my mind, and to focus on the intention for the answer to come to me — this was helpful as the answers I received after this break began to have greater clarity.

Here was my final answer: to live consciously and courageously, to resonate with love and compassion, to awaken the great spirits within others, and to leave this world in peace.

When you find your own unique answer to the question of why you’re here, you will feel it resonate with you deeply. The words will seem to have a special energy to you, and you will feel that energy whenever you read them.

Discovering your purpose is the easy part. The hard part is keeping it with you on a daily basis and working on yourself to the point where you become that purpose.

If you’re inclined to ask why this little process works, just put that question aside until after you’ve successfully completed it. Once you’ve done that, you’ll probably have your own answer to why it works. Most likely if you ask 10 different people why this works (people who’ve successfully completed it), you’ll get 10 different answers, all filtered through their individual belief systems, and each will contain its own reflection of truth.

Obviously, this process won’t work if you quit before convergence. I’d guesstimate that 80-90% of people should achieve convergence in less than an hour. If you’re really entrenched in your beliefs and resistant to the process, maybe it will take you 5 sessions and 3 hours, but I suspect that such people will simply quit early (like within the first 15 minutes) or won’t even attempt it at all. But if you’re drawn to read this blog (and haven’t been inclined to ban it from your life yet), then it’s doubtful you fall into this group.

Steve Pavlina is widely recognized as one of the most successful personal development bloggers on the Internet, attracting more than two million monthly readers to his website, StevePavlina.com.

“And in the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.” – Abraham Lincoln

I love reading lists of things to do before you die, but after reading several of these lists, I’ve realized that each list is a very personal thing. It can only apply to the writer of the list, and not to all human beings in general. No such list can do that.

And think about this: if you’re trying to follow a list of things to do before you die … trying to check things off the list, just to say you’ve done it … what’s the point, really? To be able to tell people you’ve done it? To follow the life prescription of some writer?

I won’t try to tell you what to do before you die … but I will suggest some questions to figure out how to live … right now. Each and every day.

Because you never know how much time you have left, and trying to cram a list of things into that unknown time can be futile. Instead, live every day to the fullest. Get the most out of life.

1. Who do I love, and what am I doing about it? When someone dies (two of my kids’ grandmother just died, so I’ve been thinking about this a lot), you realize that you never know how much time you have with the people you love. They can go at any time — as can you. And so you must make the most of this time.

If you aren’t spending time with the people you love, change that. If you are holding a grudge against a family member, let it go and reconcile. If you’ve done something to hurt a loved one, ask for forgiveness. Drop the pride, and make up. If you haven’t seen someone in awhile, call them now to set up a date.

2. Am I pursuing my dream, or is fear stopping me? What have you always wanted to do? Maybe something you dreamed of as a child but have given up as unrealistic? Maybe something you still want to do but are afraid of failing? What fears are stopping you? And what would be the worst that could happen if you overcame those fears and pursued your dream?

If you’re already pursuing your dream, pat yourself on the back. You’re doing awesome!

3. Am I doing something that matters? There’s a difference between doing work, and doing work that really matters. Much of the time, we use up the few days we have on this earth with busy-work, stuff that doesn’t make much difference, and that’s sadly a waste of our lives.

Recently on Dumb Little Man, writer Ali Hale suggested you ask yourself, “Will this matter in five years?” I think this is a great question. It helps you distinguish between trivial busy-work that will take up all of your time but not matter in a few years, and tasks and projects and goals with high impact that will make a difference, in your career, in your life, in the lives of others.

4. What am I doing to help others? Kind of ironically, you get the most out of life not just by taking what you can for yourself, but by giving to others. What have you done lately to help people out? Have you been kind to people? Have you been compassionate? Have you been there for anyone? Listened? Volunteered for those in need? If you’re not doing anything to help others, this is a good time to figure out one thing you can do for someone, and put it into action. Ask this question on a regular basis, and you’ll make kindness a habit.

“Only a life lived for others is a life worthwhile.” – Albert Einstein

5. Am I as good a person as I want to be? I ask this of myself all the time. Sometimes, when I’m impatient or selfish or less-than-helpful, I think back on what I’ve said and done and realize that I could have done better. Instead of beating myself up about it, I endeavor to try harder, to remember to allow my better angels to guide me, to rise above the trivialities of life to a higher plane.

It’s not easy to be a good person, at least not all of the time. It’s easier to be selfish, without thinking about it. But is that how you want to be remembered? Is that how you want to live your life? Give it some thought, and act accordingly.

6. What am I doing to live life with passion, health and energy? You can do all the right things, and yet live a life that’s dull and sluggish. If you let your health go, you will have little energy and you will waste the minutes you have left on illness. Instead, learn to live a healthy life, with good foods and exercise. This will lead to more energy in your life. And then direct that energy into something you’re passionate about. If you haven’t found that passion (or passions), start looking. You’ll thank me.

“We are always getting ready to live but never living.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Leo Babauta is a writer, a marathoner, an early riser, a vegan, and a father of six. He blogs regularly about achieving goals through daily habits on Zen Habits, and covers such topics as productivity, GTD, simplifying, frugality, parenting, happiness, motivation, exercise, eating healthy and more.

Everyone has a list of things they want to do before they die: faraway places to see, books to write, mountains to climb. Some people call it a bucket list, or a wish list, but I call it a dream list. Some people have a hundred things on their dream list, while others only have two, but everyone has a list, whether they know it or not. There is something deeply beautiful about having a serious dream list because it really reveals the inner truth about what you want in your life. At my coaching company the Handel Group, I have my clients analyze the different areas of their life and design and plan accordingly so that they have a road map to make the dreams on their list happen.

I find that the area where most people tend to be most complacent in the dreams is their career. It’s easy to get stuck in your career, even — in fact, especially — if you are in the field that you want to be in. It’s easy to be comfortable and doing what you always planned to do, but not really challenging yourself. This can lead to dissatisfaction and boredom — what you really need to stay inspired is a dream to focus on.

A few years ago, I reconnected with a friend from childhood, Craig Wedren, whom I went to summer camp with when I was 13 years old. His dream when we were kids was to become a famous rock star and change the world with his music. When we reconnected in our mid-30s, he was doing really well in his career. He had been the lead singer of the popular indie band Shudder to Think in his twenties and had become an accomplished TV and movie composer (“School of Rock,” “Role Models,” “Reno 911!,” “Hung,” “United States of Tara”). As we talked about his career, I found that even though he had many successes and was doing “what he always wanted to do,” he had lost sight of his dreams and inspiration. He knew exactly what he wanted at 20, but at age 35 he hadn’t continued to push his dreams.

The art of knowing what you want is critical to getting what you want.

The first thing I had Craig do was brainstorm about what he really wanted in his career — then write it into a dream list. Most people hit a point in their life where they stop dreaming or keep the list in the back of their mind. You need to put it down on paper so that you can really refine what exactly it is you want to do. After Craig wrote out his dream list, I asked him if there was anything on his list that he would be heartbroken if he didn’t achieve. He told me he had been thinking of trying to do a thoroughly modern update to the classic rock movie — in the vein of Pink Floyd’s “The Wall” and The Who’s “Tommy,” where he could tell an epic story through his music. He already had a concept and title: “Wand.” As a film composer, he had been writing music to fit with other peoples’ images, but he decided that it would be interesting to turn that on its head and create visuals to fit the music he’d written.

Often people avoid following a specific dream because it will takes years to achieve what they want.

With every client, I make sure they come to terms with how long it will take for a dream to happen. If you want to be a great skier, it won’t happen in a month; it may take five years or longer to master it. It’s important that the client understand and accept the amount of time it will take to achieve his or her dream. When Craig committed to doing this new project, he wasn’t sure how long it would take, but he really wanted it and was willing to spend years to make it happen.

To turn a dream into a reality, you have to put it in the time.

Once a client makes the decision to follow a dream, we immediately implement a plan of action. Craig was a working composer, so he wasn’t able to spend all his time working on “Wand.” So I had him look at his schedule and commit to working a certain amount of hours a week on it. I’m talking bite-sized commitments — real steps toward achieving your dream. If you commit to something that you are dying to do, even if you only give one day a month toward it, it will truly change how you think and dramatically improve your life.

Once Craig had a plan in place, I had him implement a system of consequences to help him keep his work promises and keep him focused on his dream. I like to find something that will really motivate a client. In this case, it was coffee. Craig really loves his espresso, so if Craig didn’t do his daily hours on “Wand,” he would lose his shots of espresso the following day. He was also accountable to me with his progress and had to email me details of his work on “Wand” every week. When going after a dream, it’s important to have someone keeping you on track to your goal. Dreams can become reality with a strong commitment, integrity and a plan. For Craig, working on it daily forced him to have it on his mind all the time, and led him and director Tim Nackashi to creatively pioneer a new kind of interactive, 360-degree visual style for “Wand.”

How anyone can make a dream happen:

1. Write out your dream list and ask yourself what item on that list would break your heart if you didn’t go after it.

 

2. Make peace with how long it will take you to achieve your dream.

 

3. Set up a plan of action where you commit to a specific amount of time each week working toward your dream.

 

4. Implement a system of consequences in place to help you keep your integrity with your plan of action, and have a friend help you be accountable.

 

5. Go after your dream and discover how proud you feel about yourself for taking the steps toward achieving something you really want in your life.

Following your dream is the act of loving life.

Craig’s Wedren’s interactive video “Are We,” the first chapter of “Wand,” can be seen at www.craigwedren.com

Whether you realize it or not, you have a lot of control over your life. Like many people, I used to think of myself as an unanchored boat drifting randomly in the water; the people and events in my life were the tides, waves and currents. Now, though, I’ve come to realize that I truly am the master of my own destiny. One of the first steps in getting the most out of life is really, truly realizing how much control you truly have. The following points will help you discover the many ways in which you determine the course of your own life.

You Control How You Choose to Respond

 For some reason, women seem to be especially susceptible to the idea of being swept away by their emotions; I know that I’ve been guilty of that thought process in the past. While you can’t control outside events or the actions of others, you can control how you choose to respond to them. Will you respond with despair and hand wringing, or will you respond with positivity and determination? Every time something happens, whether it’s good or bad, the way that you choose to respond is up to you. By responding positively, you take control and get most out life.

You Control the Next Step

 It’s easy to think of things in terms of cause and effect; for instance, if you lose your job, you might automatically assume that you’re doomed to collect unemployment benefits for the next year. In reality, there’s no law that says that you have to do anything of the sort. Whether you’re given a troubling diagnosis, are struggling with a relationship or just seem to be in a rut, the fact is that you control the direction in which things will go. By making that next step a positive one, I firmly believe that you can find your way to an excellent outcome.

You Can’t Control Others – But You Can Influence Them

 If you really want to feel powerless, try bending others to your will. Attempting to control others will only lead you to misery. Instead of trying to make others do what you want, try influencing them instead. Through positivity and kindness, you can influence people to bring extra benefits into your life. The old saying that you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar is resoundingly true. Let go and stay positive; you’re sure to be amazed by what you get in return.

You Control Your Focus – Past, Present or Future?

 Like many people, I often find myself ruminating on the past. Sometimes, it’s something that happened long ago; other times, it’s something that happened earlier today. The what-ifs and regrets of life will eat you up inside, if you let them. As cliché as it may be, living in the present is the way to go. Similarly, looking ahead to the future is a smart step in getting the most out of life.

You Control Who You Allow into Your Life

 It’s true that we can’t choose our biological families. We can’t even really do a whole lot about who we work with on a day-to-day basis. That being said, we can control who we really allow into our lives and our inner circles. It’s perfectly fine to strictly remain friendly acquaintances with certain people. There is no need to be best friends with everyone that you know. Allowing the wrong kinds of people into your life can wear you down; surrounding yourself with positive, proactive types will lift you up.

You Control how You Spend Your Free Time

 There’s nothing wrong with lounging around and taking in some trashy reality television every now and then. We all have our guilty pleasures, after all. Still, it’s important to get out there and mix things up every once in a while. Feeling tired all of the time is sometimes caused by the ennui of being stuck in a rut. From volunteering at a shelter to jumping on a bicycle and getting out there, there are plenty of great ways to enrich yourself during your free time. This realization is a key step in getting the most out of life.

Everyone’s Path is Different

 No matter how powerless you may feel, the fact remains that there are many ways to regain control over your life. By focusing on the things that you can control, you can improve your life and get as much out of it as possible. Taking the reins and recognizing that you have more control than you think can be a little frightening; in short order, though, it can become absolutely intoxicating. Suddenly, life is opened up to you in ways that it never was in the past. I’ve seen it happen in my own life and in the lives of many others who I know; I’m sure it can happen for you, too!

Have you been in a slump lately? Are you feeling like you are not living your life to its fullest potential? Do you feel like you are always seeking more? Are you just down in the dumps and simply feeling depressed about your life? If any of these phrases hit home, you need to know that you have the ability to change your life. Despite what you may be thinking right now, you do have the power and capability to live and love life like you have never dreamed possible.

Isn’t It All Just Cliché?
Ah, so you say you have heard it all before and you just don’t believe that you can actually make the changes you need to in order to get what you desire out of your life. This is where mindset comes into play. Simply put, it is all in your head and if you let it control you, then you will struggle through life. Our mind is the most powerful part of our body and it can truly control our destiny. If you want to live the life of your dreams you have to be in tune to your mind set and start making good choices and changes in the way you think and look at life. Once you do, you will have the power to control your destiny.

Trash The Negative Thinking By Making Positive Changes
Negative thinking is so powerful that it can cripple us. When we let it take over our life, doors slam in our face at every turn, and what do we get? Misery! The first step to creating the life we want is changing our attitude and getting positive thoughts into our minds. How can we do that? Really it is all about looking at life with a “glass half full” instead of a “half empty” mind set.

• Focus on the good things in your life, no matter how small and stop focusing on everything that goes wrong or that is bad.
• Be thankful and look at all that you are blessed with in your life instead of looking at all the things other people have that you desire.
• Every day wake up and think only positive thoughts. Focus your mindset from the minute you open your eyes to what is going to be good about today.
• Stop putting yourself last and instead make yourself a priority. Many of us spend too much time focusing on others and we all need “me” time.

What Else Do You Need To Do?
We all can control our own destiny and in order to make it positive and enlightening there are numerous things that can help us greatly on our journey.

First, stop associating with people that are not uplifting. In other words, surround yourself with friends that encourage you, inspire you, believe in you and generally just bring you up.

Second, know what you want out of life and don’t be afraid to go after it. Create a bucket list and work towards fulfilling all your dreams big and small.

Third, set goals. Don’t be afraid to dream and dream big. While you may have some smaller goals that you can reach quickly, don’t be afraid to set and work towards larger ones.

Fourth, always remember that you are only human. Having a bad day every once in awhile doesn’t mean you aren’t loving life or not living it to your fullest. Just make sure that one bad day doesn’t lead to another and another. Instead, reflect on the day and make changes in your mindset that will allow tomorrow and the next day and the day after that to be great days.

Fifth, look out for your health. Eating right and exercising can have a huge impact on your self esteem and can help you feel energized and ready to tackle life.

Sixth, Enjoy the simple things. Take the time to relax and enjoy hobbies that make you happy.

Finally, live your life with gratitude. Make sure you take the time to not only forgive others but also yourself.

Always remember that you are in control of your life and your destiny. Living a great fulfilled happy life is within everyone’s reach. With simple changes you can be on your way to living the life you have always dreamed of.