People around the world have been talking about a movie so powerful that it can change the course of your life. This movie, The Secret, was created by Australian Rhonda Byrne, and she says that if you follow its philosophy, you can create the life you want—whether that means getting out of debt, finding a more fulfilling job or even falling in love.

Rhonda says she stumbled on what she calls The Secret at the end of 2004. At the time, everything in Rhonda’s life had fallen apart—physically, emotionally and financially—and she was in “total despair.” Then her father died suddenly, and she was worried about her grief-stricken mother. “I wept and wept and wept, and I didn’t want my daughter to see me sobbing,” Rhonda says.

That’s when Rhonda’s daughter gave her a copy of The Science of Getting Rich, a book written in 1910 by Wallace D. Wattles. “Something inside of me had me turn the pages one by one, and I can still remember my tears hitting the pages as I was reading it,” Rhonda says. “It gave me a glimpse of The Secret. It was like a flame inside of my heart. And with every day since, it’s just become a raging fire of wanting to share all of this with the world.”
After that first discovery, Rhonda read hundreds of books, listened to hundreds of hours of audio tapes and scoured the Internet for more information. She says she traced the idea of The Secret through history—all the way from 3500 B.C. to the present day. “Since I discovered The Secret, every single moment of my entire life has changed, and I am living my life for the first time,” Rhonda says.

Rhonda defines The Secret as the law of attraction, which is the principle that “like attracts like.” Rhonda calls it “the most powerful law in the universe,” and says it is working all the time. “What we do is we attract into our lives the things we want, and that is based on what we’re thinking and feeling,” Rhonda says. The principle explains that we create our own circumstances by the choices we make in life. And the choices we make are fueled by our thoughts—which means our thoughts are the most powerful things we have here on earth.

To help teach the philosophy, Rhonda created the DVD The Secret, which features experts including the Rev. Dr. Michael Beckwith, James Arthur Ray, Lisa Nichols and Jack Canfield—who not only teach other people about The Secret, but say they are successful in their own lives because they know and use the principle.

The Rev. Dr. Michael Beckwith says he was a drug dealer in college—until he was arrested in a deal gone bad. Michael says he had a spiritual awakening during his trial and decided to turn his life around. Today he leads the Agape Spiritual Center in Los Angeles, where he teaches thousands of faithful followers the path to reaching their highest potential.

James Arthur Ray was insecure and awkward as a teenager until weight lifting helped the self-described geek gain confidence in his 20s. He says that surviving a near-fatal motorcycle crash and almost going bankrupt forced him to focus on the life he truly wanted. Now he runs a multimillion-dollar corporation dedicated to teaching people how to create wealth in all areas of their lives.

Lisa Nichols grew up on the tough streets of South Central Los Angeles. She admits that as a self-conscious teenager, she often used sex to feel loved by men. After hitting rock bottom at age 19, Lisa prayed for a better life. Now, she has made her fortune by motivating more than 60,000 teenagers to make better choices in their own lives.

Chicken Soup for the Soul creator Jack Canfield was deep in debt before he made it big. Now his best-selling books have sold more than 100 million copies worldwide, and Jack travels the country teaching the secret of his success.

The law of attraction means that everything that happens to you—good or bad—you attract to yourself. Lisa describes it as if you’re placing an order. “If you were at a restaurant and you ordered something, you fully expect it to come served that way. That’s how the universe is. You’re putting out orders—consciously and unconsciously,” Lisa says. “So if you say, ‘I’ll never have a great relationship,’ you just placed an order.”

Jack says everything you focus on can have an effect on your life—from books to magazines to thoughts. “All of that affects how we feel, and the feelings actually send out a wave into the universe, and anything that’s vibrating in a similar level gets attracted into our life,” Jack says.

“Most people focus on how it is. We talk about our current reality—’I'm in debt. I’m overweight. I’m not happy. I’m sad. The world’s not working. We’re at war,’ whatever. And the more you think about that and focus on that and talk about it, the more you attract that [negativity],” he says.

Although thoughts are powerful, Jack says the feelings that the thoughts generate are what actually attract things into our lives. “Too many times people are thinking a thought like, ‘I want to be my perfect body weight of 185 pounds.’ But they look at the scale and they see 205 and they think, ‘But I’ll never make it,’ … so they feel bad,” Jack says. Instead of wallowing in those negative thoughts, you need to find the positive in the situation. Jack says you should stop feeling bad about the weight, and instead feel positive that you are willing to do something healthy to make your life better. Carrying with you those positive feelings is one key to your success.

James says that in order to attract the things you want into your life—to place the right order—you have to do what he calls going “three for three.” “Your thoughts, your feelings and your actions all have to be firing simultaneously in the same direction,” he says. Visualizing your future life can help to hone your thoughts and feelings toward the things you want.

The panel says the thoughts and the feelings are often easy for people to grasp, but you still have to do something about them. “A lot of people watch The Secret and they say, ‘Well, I’m sitting around visualizing my millions coming into my lap.’ Well, they’ll come take your furniture away. And then how are you going to visualize [when you're living] on the curb?” James says. “You’ve got to act on it. Make decisions on where you’re going versus where you have been.”

Jack says that everything in the world is made up of energy, which is controlled by thoughts and feelings. According to Jack, thoughts can travel long distances, so you are sending out signals to many people without even knowing it, and these signals attract like energy to you.

Jack and James say that this means there is no such thing as a coincidence. “Everything happens by principles and laws in our universe. And so consequently, we have an absolutely unlimited power within us,” James says.

Michael says that thoughts—which turn into experience, speech and behavior—become the “feeling tone of your life.” “An individual can actually begin to generate a certain feeling of gratitude, of love, of peace and of harmony, and the universe will begin to match that feeling tone—and what will flow into your life will match the feeling that you’re holding,” he says. “It means that everyone…can release themselves from being a victim and begin to take control of their life’s destiny.”

Gratitude is one example of the magnetic force of the universe. “Basically, nothing new can come into your life unless you open yourself up to being grateful [for what you already have],” Michael says.

“If you think about it, the universe has a conveyor belt of presents lined up for you, and until you receive the one and fully are grateful for it, the next one can’t come out of the chute. It’s all lined up,” Jack says.

Lisa says this perspective applies to weight, family, friends and other aspects of life. She says too many people who want to make things better focus on what’s wrong with the present. “Instead of wanting to change it, appreciate what’s there,” Lisa says. “Find the things about it that work … and by doing that, you create a space for it to get better.”

For example, Lisa says she would like to lose some weight. But instead of focusing on the negative—that she hasn’t dropped the pounds yet—she loves and appreciates the present moment. “I accept it. I love it. I embrace every inch, every pound,” she says. In this way, Lisa is creating the space to “celebrate the now” and then invite better things into her life.

According to the panel members, much of the energy that people project into the world is done unconsciously. “People aren’t walking around thinking, ‘I want a bad thing to happen to me,’ but there’s an unconscious fear. There’s a doubt. There’s a worry. There’s a sense of separation there that’s running them,” Michael says. He adds that spiritual growth is “allowing that which is unconscious to become conscious.”

Michael says that spiritual growth does not mean religion but our “real identity.” “The love, the peace, the joy, the wisdom, the harmony—these are all qualities of the spirit that it’s seeking to express through us,” Michael says. “And so as we become more awake, more aware of that, our life is filled with that kind of vibration, that kind of feeling tone. To grow spiritually is to actually become more aware of who you really are.”

Ryan Bell, a single mother of a 4-year-old, is currently $43,000 in debt. “I’m just in over my head,” she says.

Ryan says her financial woes started back in college when she took out loans. After college, Ryan got a job, got pregnant and got married. To cope with the new bills, the couple opened more credit cards, and Ryan helped put her husband through school. Then the unthinkable happened: She and her husband got divorced—and Ryan’s debt worsened. “I went from living on two incomes to living on one income, but I kept the same bills,” Ryan says.

To support herself and her daughter, Ryan works long hours at a high-end clothing store. After her daughter goes to bed, Ryan works at her second job, a home-based Internet business. “It could be huge, but I can’t spend the amount of time on it that I need to to make it successful,” she says.

Now, Ryan sees every day as a struggle and won’t even go to the mailbox because she knows there are bills waiting for her. “I’m sick and tired of being a victim,” Ryan says. “How do I get out of this endless cycle of debt?”

Ryan’s choices have attracted debt to her, the panel says. To attract a solution, Jack says Ryan should turn her focus from her debt to what she knows her life will be like when she’s financially free.

Simply changing her language can also start to make a dent in her debt. When asked how she is, Lisa says she shouldn’t respond with phrases like “I’m surviving.” “That’s not the kind of life you want to live,” Lisa says. “When people ask me how I’m doing, [I say], ‘I’m phenomenal. I’m great’. Even in the midst of all—I’m great,” she says. “I’m great because I made it through.”

James, especially, can relate to Ryan’s troubles, having been on the edge of bankruptcy twice himself. He urges Ryan to take an “action step” toward her dreams. For Ryan, that’s starting a debt retirement program to pay a certain amount of money toward her credit automatically so she can focus every bit of energy on financial freedom.

Still, the most important stride toward a debt-free life, Michael says, is forgiving her ex-husband and to stop feeling like he owes her something. “Let him know in consciousness, in your awareness, that he cannot determine your destiny. You’re not leaving him unaccountable, but you’re severing those emotional vibratory tonalities so that you can be free.”

True forgiveness, James says, is when you can say the following to the person who hurt you: “Thank you for giving me that experience.”

But how can you forgive when something truly tragic or terrible happens? James says you should grieve, but eventually you need to look for a hidden gift. “Here’s what I encourage people to ask themselves: How does this serve me? … If you’re really willing to dig, there’s a lesson in there,” James says. “And secondly, what can I learn from this situation?”

Even if you can’t identify the gift now, Rhonda says to remain positive in order to benefit from of the law of attraction. “You can say, ‘There are so many gifts in this for me. I can’t wait to see what they are,’” Rhonda says.

In chronic situations with no end in sight, Michael says you should ask yourself another important question: “If this were to last forever, what quality would I have to grow to have peace of mind? Now, as my attention goes to the quality I have to grow, that quality starts to emerge,” Michael says. “The issue that I’m resisting and fighting against becomes less and less intense … it begins to dissolve because it doesn’t have your attention any longer.”

Panel member Lisa Nichols says her life was spiraling out of control before she learned The Secret. She grew up in South Central Los Angeles, where there were gangs, poverty and violence.

In fifth grade, Lisa was in the first class to be bused to the Valley—a predominantly white neighborhood—where she thought she would be welcomed. Instead, she was met with name-calling. “My self-esteem went way down,” she says.

Although she eventually became a popular student, Lisa struggled with depression. “At 17, when my best friends were thinking what college to go to, UCLA or USC, I was contemplating suicide and trying to figure out how to do it without getting blood on my mother’s carpet because I knew they couldn’t afford to move,” she says.

Growing up, Lisa was also told that she wasn’t pretty and wouldn’t find love. She began having “a lot of sex looking for a little love,” searching for her own validation in men. “The sex led to a lot of pain. I thought if I was saying no to the sex, I was saying no to potential love. And I didn’t want to say no to love.”

Lisa began to gain weight in order to avoid men altogether. After gaining 100 pounds, Lisa says she was obese and embarrassed.

Finally, Lisa reached a turning point. “I got on my knees and I said, ‘God, if you bring me through this … I promise I will spend every moment, every breath, supporting and encouraging others to do the same,’” she says.

Lisa decided to stop being a victim. She stopped looking for love elsewhere and fell “madly in love” with herself. Now, she teaches people how to treat her. “I’m the first example of how the world is supposed to love me and I have to give them the best example ever,” she says. “We expect someone to show us our greatness when [instead] I’m supposed to show up understanding my greatness and allowing you to celebrate it with me.”

After 16 years of marriage, Carlton and Beverly Credelle say the passion in their marriage had fizzled. “It just felt as though our life was just mundane, really passionless, almost emotionless,” Beverly says. “Like I didn’t have his mind anymore, his soul, his heart.” At one point, the couple hadn’t been intimate in a year.

Then, Beverly watched The Secret. “For the record, I’ve seen it 62 times. But the first time is when that lightbulb went off,” she says. Beverly realized she was part of the problem. She stopped complaining and began to focus on her gratitude for Carlton. “I started telling myself, ‘I am beautiful. I do deserve passion. I am in a passion-filled marriage.’”

Things changed immediately after Carlton also watched the DVD. Soon, he started making romantic gestures, like taking Beverly out for lunch dates and calling her during the day. She began doing little things for him, too—leaving him a rose in his car and surprising him with his favorite cookies.

Michael says Carlton and Beverly are an example of how gratitude brings about change. “My marriage now is wonderful,” Carlton says. “I feel the passion. I’m loving it.”

Launell is successful in all areas of her life—except when it comes to taking off the baby weight she started gaining 14 years ago.

The first step, James says, is to be grateful for her health and choose to stay healthy and whole. “I want you to start every single day … saying, ‘Thank you for the health I have.’ Say, ‘I love my legs because they’re working functionally,’” James says. “Concentrate on your health and wholeness every day, and you’ll attract more health and wholeness every day.”

Lisa says Launell also has to believe she has the right to have the body she wants. “Make a decision. Do you have the right? Are you ready for it? Are you ready to look in the mirror and love every inch?” Lisa says. “Make 2007 about showing up in the now for you,” Lisa says.

Repeating after Lisa, Launell declares, “I choose today to give myself the best life ever!”

You can start living the The Secret today by following three simple steps: Ask. Believe. Receive.

Michael says to start making a conscious effort every day to take actions that will sync with the energy of the life you dream about. “When you’re talking about action, you’re talking about walking in the direction you want,” Michael says.

But not just any action will do, James says. It has to be one that comes from the heart and will provide a real service. “It’s not, ‘If you build it, they will come,’ necessarily. It’s, ‘If you build it and it provides value, they will come,’” he says. “It’s that heart space. Not ‘What can I get?’ but ‘What can I give and how can I serve?’ And when you’re in that moment, the universe lines up behind you and it’s at your command.”

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52 Tips for Happiness and Productivity

Try rising early. It’s not for everyone, I’ll admit. It may not be for you. But I’ve found it to be an amazing change in my life. It has made the start of my days much more positive, and I now have time for writing, exercise, and silent contemplation.

Do less. This is both a happiness and productivity tip. Doing less will make you happier, because your life won’t be so hectic and filled with stress. You will have time for things that give you pleasure, for the loved ones in your life, for life itself. It’s also a productivity tip: if you focus on the essential tasks, the big ones, the ones that will give you the most return for your time, and eliminate the rest, you will actually be more productive. You’ll get fewer tasks done, but you will be more effective.

Slow down. Many new readers to this site have read my productivity articles and think that I’m all about being hyper-productive. I’m not. Long-time readers know that I am about a simpler way of life. Unfortunately, in my free-lance blogging, other websites usually ask me to write about productivity, so the preponderance of my productivity writing has given the impression, I think, that I think people should be churning out work at an amazing rate, to the exclusion of all else. Actually, I feel that life is much more enjoyable if you slow down. By doing less, you can actually get more done, even if you work more slowly. And when you’re not working, you should definitely try switching to slow mode. Drive slower (it is so much more relaxing), walk slower, eat slower.

Practice patience. I’ve talked about how I’m trying to develop patience in my parenting article, How to Become a Patient Parent, but these tips really apply to everyone. If you easily lose your temper, you can become more patient with these tips. Once you’ve developed this skill (and it’s a skill, like everything else, not an unchangeable inborn trait), your life will become much saner and you will be much happier.

Practice compassion. This may be the most important tip of all, in my opinion. If you were to choose any of these, I would choose this one. The first part of compassion is empathy — and this ability to understand how others feel can be developed through practice. Start by imagining the suffering of a loved one. Understand their pain, the emotions they go through, and why they would react the way they would. By doing this exercise a number of times, you are developing a skill that can be applied to others — for every person you see, try to understand what they are going through. Try to learn and understand more about their background, and why they react the way they do. Once you’ve developed this invaluable skill, learn the other half of compassion — acting on your understanding, and helping others, alleviating their suffering, acting with kindness. This one thing can bring true happiness to your life, and the lives of those around you.

Find your passion. Another indispensable tip. This might be the second on my list of priorities. Find something you love to do, and your life will become immensely improved. You will love your work, the thing that you spend 40 hours (or more) a week doing. You will become more productive, procrastinate less, be less stressed. You will produce something you are proud of, and happy about. Read this article for some practical tips.

Lose weight. This only applies, of course, if you are overweight. But losing your extra fat (and when I say lose weight, I mean lose fat), decreases your health risks (obviously), makes you look better, and in general is very likely to increase your happiness about yourself. I actually recommend that you learn to be comfortable and happy with how you look now, and not feel negative about yourself even if you are overweight. However, I’ve found that losing weight (at least for me) is a great way to feel better about your body. Do not make this an unhealthy obsession, however — lose weight gradually, and enjoy the process. See the next two tips for the best methods for doing this.

Exercise. Make this a daily habit. Exercise not only helps you lose weight, but for me, it’s made me feel so much better. I actually enjoy exercise now. It’s a time of contemplation for me, and I feel so much better about myself afterwards.

Eat healthy. I don’t recommend dieting. It’s too restrictive and you usually fall off it at some point. I do recommend changes to your diet, however — ones you make gradually, and that can be sustained for life. It not only helps lose weight, but really, once you start eating healthier, it is actually much more enjoyable.

Meditate. OK, you might be like me — not into New-Age stuff. But meditation can actually be a very simple method for relaxing, for bringing calm, for returning yourself to sanity, for contemplation. My friend Scott Young wrote a good post about doing that here.

Get organized. This one’s not necessary. You could go through life wonderfully messy, searching for stuff, enjoying the search. But I’ve tried disorganized, and I’ve tried organized. The second is much more enjoyable to me.

Think positive. Another one of the most important tips on this list, thinking positive — as cliche as it might sound — is one of the single best changes you can make in your life that will lead to so many more positive tips. As I wrote about here, learning to think positive was the skill that turned my life around. It makes everything else on this list possible.

Simplify your finances. Cut down on the number of accounts you have, cut down on your credit cards, spend less, reduce your bills. Make your finances automagical. Simplifying your finances greatly reduces your stress.

Simplify your life. Another of my top tips. I’ve greatly simplified my life, in many ways, and I can say that having less stuff in my life, and less to do, has greatly increased my enjoyment of life. De-clutter, simplify your commitments, simplify your work space, simplify your wardrobe, simplify your rooms.

Accept what you have. The problem with many of us is that we always think that we’ll be happy when we reach a certain destination — when we get a certain job, or retire, or get our dream house. Unfortunately, it takes awhile before you get there, and when you get there, you might have a new destination in mind. Instead, try being happy with where you are, with who you are, and what you have. To do that, instead of comparing what you have with other people, or with what you want, compare yourself those who have less, with those who are going through tragedy, with those who are struggling. You will see that you actually are extremely blessed. And this can lead to more happiness with your current situation.

Envision your ultimate life. What would your ultimate life be like? Where would you live, what would you do, what would you do with your days? Come up with a clear picture of this, and write it down. Now, one step at a time, make it come true. Some ways of doing that follow.

Set long-term goals. Your vision of your ultimate life will help you come up with long-term goals. Of those goals, pick one to accomplish within the next year, and really focus on that. Now, pick one medium-term goal to achieve in the next few months that will get you further toward your longer-term goal. Now decide what you can do this week, and today, to get you to your medium-term goal. Just choose one thing at a time, focus on it, make it happen, and then choose the next thing to focus on.

Review goals. Setting goals is important, but the key to making them a reality is actually reviewing them (at least monthly, but weekly is better) and taking action steps to make them come true. Again, focus on one at a time, and really focus on them.

Life mission. Related to envisioning your ultimate life, but different — it’s important that you think about how you would like to be remembered when you die — so you can start living the life that leads to that now. Live with purpose in life, and wake up every day with that purpose in mind.

Plan your big tasks for week and day. Give purpose to your day by determining the three most important things you can do with your day, and making those a priority. Do the same thing with your week to increase your productivity: pick out the big tasks you’d like to accomplish this week, and schedule those first.

Maintain focus. One important key to achieving your goals is to maintain focus on them. To do this, again, it’s important that you select one goal at a time. This will prevent your focus from spreading too thin. It’s also important that you give yourself constant reminders of your goal, so you don’t lose that focus. Put up a poster of your current goal, or print it out and put it out somewhere visible, and send yourself emailed reminders. However you do it, find a way to maintain a laser-sharp focus, and the goal will come true.

Enjoy the journey. Goals are important, but not at the expense of happiness now. It’s important to maintain a balance between going where you want to go, and being happy as you go there. It’s easy to forget that, so be sure to remind yourself of this little, but important, tip as you make your journey.

Create a morning and evening routine. These are two great ways to add structure to your day, make sure you review your goals and log your progress, and get your day off to a great start. An evening routine, for example, could be a great way not only to wind down from a long day and review how your day went, but to prepare yourself for your next day so the morning isn’t so hectic. Your morning routine is great way to greet the day, to get some exercise or meditation or quiet contemplation, or to get some writing or other work done.

Develop intimate relationships. It’s great to have a special someone, of course, but intimate relationships could be found with anyone around you. If you have a significant other, be sure to spend time each day and each week with that person, to work on your relationship and communicate and continue to bond. But if you don’t, there’s no need to despair (if in fact you are) … intimate relationships can be developed with friends, other family members, kids, roommates, classmate, co-workers. Every single person we meet is a fellow human being, with the same desires for happiness, for food and shelter, for an intimate connection. Find that common thread, be open and sincere, find out more about each other, understand each other, and give love. This can be one of the most important things you do.

Eliminate debt. Financially, this is a huge way to relieve stress and make you feel much more secure. I suggest that you get rid of your credit cards (if you have a problem with credit card debt or impulse spending) and create a snowball plan for yourself. It may take a couple of years, but you can get out of debt.

Enjoy the simple pleasures. You can find these everywhere. Food (I love berries!), sunsets, sand between your toes, fresh-cut grass, playing with your child, a good book and a warm bed, dancing in the rain, your favorite music. You could probably make a list of 20 simple pleasures right now, things you enjoy that you could find every day. Sprinkle those little pleasures throughout your day. It makes the journey much more enjoyable.

Empty your inbox and clear your desk. This might take a little while to do at first, but once you’ve emptied your inbox and cleared off your desk, it doesn’t take long to keep them clear from then on. It’s a simple habit that’s vastly rewarding. I get an inordinate amount of pleasure from having a clean desk. I recommend you give it a try.

Build an emergency fund. This is standard-issue financial advice, I know … and yet it is extremely important. I cannot stress how important it is to have at least a tiny emergency fund in the bank. You often hear that you should have six months saved up. Don’t be intimidated by that. Start out with just a hundred dollars if you can. Cut back on a few things. Then build it up, every payday. Once you have, let’s say, $1,000, it will make a huge difference in your life. It’s not much, and you should still add to it every paycheck, but at least now you’re not living paycheck-to-paycheck, and if an unexpected emergency comes up you can pay for it, rather than not paying other bills and falling behind. It’s a simple step, but it will mean a lot.

Keep a journal. This is not one of the more important tips, but I can attest that it’s rewarding. I, for one, have a bad long-term memory, and by writing things down, I can look back and remember what happened a month ago. I just started this a couple months ago, actually, but ti’s been awesome. I started an online journal, something I call the one-sentence journal, and my goal is to just write one sentence a day. Sometimes I write two or three, but the idea is the same — just get one or two things down that happened that day, so I can always look back on it later.

Use the power of others. Achieving your goals can be difficult, but using the power of others makes it much more likely to happen. For example, put positive public pressure on yourself by announcing your goal on your blog. Or join an online forum, or a group in your neighborhood, that you can count on for support. I have a mailing list for the May Challenge here on Zen Habits, for example, and our group has helped me stick to my goal of daily exercise even when I started to falter — and the rest of the group can tell you they’ve experienced similar success because of the positive power of the group.

Read, and read to your kids. I read all the time — it’s one of my favorite things to do in the world. I love to curl up with a good novel (or even a trashy one) and I can waste away an afternoon with a book. And I’m passing on my love of reading to my kids, by reading to them every day. I love spending time with them this way, and we all enjoy the stories we share together through books.

Limit your information intake. In our lives today, we get a tremendous amount of information through email, blog feeds, reading websites, paperwork, memos, newspapers, magazines, television, DVDs, radio, mobile phones and Blackberries. Not only can this be overwhelming, but it can be distracting and can fill up your life until you have no time for more important things. Go on a media fast to get control over your information intake, and to simplify your life

Create simple systems. Once you’ve simplified your life, the way to keep it simple is by creating systems for everything you do regularly. Create an efficient system for laundry, mail and paperwork, errands, your workflow. Anything, really.

Take time to decompress after stress. There will inevitably be times in your life when you go through high stress. Perhaps several times a week. To maintain your sanity, you need to find ways to decompress.

Be present. Time can go by extremely quickly. Before you know it, your life has passed you by. Your kids are grown and your youth is gone. Don’t let your life slip by — enjoy it while it’s here. Instead of dwelling in the past or thinking about the future, practice being in the here and now. Here are some practical tips for being present.

Develop equanimity. Keep your sanity through all the challenges that life throws at you. Rude drivers, irritating co-workers, mean commenters on your blog, inconsiderate family members. This takes a bit of practice, but you can let these things slide off you like you’re Teflon.

Spend time with family and loved ones. One of the things that can lead to the greatest happiness, make this a priority every week, every day. Clear off as much time as possible to spend with those you love, and truly enjoy those times. Be present as you do it — don’t think about work or your blog or what you need to do.

Pick yourself up when you’re down. There will always be times in our lives when we get a little down, even depressed. Take action to get yourself out of your slump.

Don’t compare yourself to others. This is hard to do, but it can be a great way to accept who you are and what you have. Whenever you find yourself comparing yourself to a co-worker, a friend, or someone famous (those models on magazines with amazing abs), stop. And realize that you are different, with different strengths. Take a minute to appreciate all the good things about yourself, and to be grateful for all the blessings in your life.

Focus on benefits, not difficulties. If you find yourself struggling to do something, or procrastinating, stop thinking about how hard something is, or why you don’t want to do it. Focus instead on what benefits it will have for you, what opportunities it will create — the good things about it. By changing the way you see things, you can change how you feel about them and make it easier to get things done.

Be romantic. If you have that special someone, find little ways to be romantic. It can do wonders to keep your relationship alive and fresh. It doesn’t take tons of money, either.

Lose arguments. I know someone who just celebrated his 50th anniversary, and I asked him for his secret to a long and happy marriage. He told me, that if I ever get into an argument with my wife, to just shut up. What he meant, I think, is that I shouldn’t try to be right in every argument. I think this is a reminder many of us need, not just the married ones. But instead of just giving up the argument, instead of trying to be right, instead seek to understand. Really try to understand the other person’s position, to see it from their point of view. This little tip can lead to much happiness.

Get into the flow. This is both a happiness and productivity tip. Flow is the term for the state we enter when we are completely focused on the work or task before us. We are so immersed in our task that we lose track of time. Having work and leisure that gets you in this state of flow will almost undoubtedly lead to happiness. People find greatest enjoyment not when they’re passively mindless, but when they’re absorbed in a mindful challenge. Get into that flow by first doing something you are passionate about, and second by eliminating all distractions and really focusing on the task before you.

Single-task. I don’t believe in multi-tasking, at least not on a day-to-day basis. Instead, focus on one task at a time. This leads to greater productivity and less stress. You can’t go wrong with that kind of combination.

Be frugal. This is a habit, rather than a goal. It is a way of living, a different mindset, and the best way to live within your means. It doesn’t mean being cheap or forsaking pleasure, but it does mean finding less expensive ways to do things, learning to live with less (and be happier in the process), and controlling impulse spending.

Start small and slow. Regular Zen Habits readers know that I advocate starting slow with any goal or habit change, and starting with a small goal rather than a big one. Why small? Because it’s something you are sure to achieve — and once you do achieve it, you can use that success to push you to further success. It’s a simple technique, but it really works. Start slow when you start exercise, or other similar activities — there’s no need to rush it in the beginning, to overdo it. You have the rest of your life!

Learn to deal with detractors. We all face detractors in our lives. They are the naysayers who, even if they are well-intentioned, will make us feel unworthy, or that you cannot achieve a goal. They will tease or be negative. In order to achieve your goals, you need to learn how to deal with these detractors and overcome this common obstacle.

Go outdoors. These days, too many of us spend so much of our time indoors, especially if our jobs and our ways of having fun are all online. Our kids are often just as bad or worse, with so many ways to watch TV, surf the internet or play video games. Get them and yourself outdoors, appreciate nature, the beauty of the world around us, and the fun of physical activity.

Retire early. This isn’t a sure way to become happy — you can retire and be bored out of your mind and unhappy — but it’s surely a cool goal. And if you do something meaningful with your life, such as volunteer and help others, it can be a way to be really happy. It’s not an easy goal, either, but you can retire early by cutting back on your living expenses, increasing your income, and investing the difference. The more you can do of all three, the fast you’ll retire. And that’s a truly liberating idea.

Savor the little things. Sure, the big things can bring big pleasure, but there are so many more little things in our lives. Savor them when they come up. It’s a way of practicing being present — stop and notice what you’re doing right now, what’s around you. And take time to enjoy it. Read this article for more.

Be lazy. There’s a time to be productive, and there’s a time to be plain ol’ lazy. I like the latter, and do it every chance I get. Does that make me a lazy person? Probably not, but even if it does, I don’t care. It makes me happy, and the kids love being lazy with me.

Help others. While finding pleasure in life is one way to be happy, doing something that is more than you, that helps others to be happy or to suffer less, is even more rewarding. I suggest you find a good cause or two and volunteer some of your time. You don’t have to commit to big chunks of your life, but just volunteer for a couple of hours. All of us can find a couple of hours in a week or a month. If you do this, you will find out how tremendously happy this will make you. You might even become addicted.

by ZenHabits.net

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Oprah’s Show - Dr. Oz Goes to Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder Camp

Dr. Oz - Treating Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder

Home Treatment
Taking care of yourself every day is important in dealing with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). This includes taking your medicines as directed every day and doing the homework your therapist gives you to do at home, such as self-directed exposure and response prevention exercises. With exposure and response prevention therapy, you repeatedly expose yourself to an obsession, such as something you fear is contaminated, and deny yourself the ritual compulsive act, which in this case would be washing your hands.

It’s also important to involve family members and loved ones in your treatment, especially if your health professional suggested you participate in therapy together. Keeping lines of communication open may help you deal with relationships that have become strained during your illness.

Reducing overall stress in your life, although not proven treatment for OCD symptoms, may help you cope. Stress- and anxiety-relieving tips include:

• Taking slow, deep breaths.
• Soaking in a warm bath.
• Listening to soothing music.
• Taking a walk or doing some other exercise.
• Taking a yoga class.
• Having a massage or back rub.
• Drinking a warm, nonalcoholic, noncaffeinated beverage.

Eating a healthy, balanced diet and avoiding certain foods or drinks may also help you reduce stress.

• Avoid or limit caffeine. Coffee, tea, some soda pop, and chocolate contain caffeine. Caffeine can make stressful situations seem more intense. If you drink a lot of caffeine, reduce the amount gradually. Stopping use of caffeine suddenly can cause headaches and make it hard to concentrate.
• If you drink alcohol, do so in moderation. If you are feeling very stressed, you might be turning to alcohol for relief more often than you realize. If you drink, limit yourself to 2 drinks per day for men and 1 drink per day for women.
• Make mealtimes calm and relaxed. Try not to skip meals or eat on the run. Skipping meals can cause your blood sugar to drop, which will make other stress-related symptoms worse, such as headaches or stomach tension. Eating on the run can cause indigestion. Use mealtime to relax, enjoy the flavor of your meal, and reflect on your day.
• Avoid eating to relieve stress. Some people turn to food to comfort themselves when they are under stress. This can lead to overeating and guilt. If this is a problem for you, try to replace eating with other actions that relieve stress, like taking a walk, playing with a pet, or taking a bath.

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Five Ways to Calm the Jitters

By Naomi Barr
Sweaty palms, jagged nerves, choking insecurity: LEVEL ORANGE.
Heart pounding out of your chest: LEVEL RED.

Most of us know what it is to feel like a walking Homeland Security alert system. In fact, an estimated 40 million Americans suffer from anxiety disorders, and millions more face the everyday panic that comes with job interviews, public speaking, entering a party, and other stressful situations. What’s surprising, especially to the highly strung, is that we don’t have to live with it.

Accept that you’re having an anxiety moment.

Allow yourself to be nervous—trying to squelch or deny it will only make it worse—and just focus on what’s in front of you, says David Barlow, PhD, founder of the Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders at Boston University. If you’re at an interview, meeting, or party, listen intently to what the other person is saying. Make eye contact. When it’s your turn to speak, be conscious of every word you say.

If you’re at your desk, respond to overdue e-mails or tackle the pile in your in-box. Whatever you’re doing, take a few deep breaths to help let the anxious thoughts and feelings float on by.

Stop trying to be perfect.

“Almost by definition, if you’re anxious, you’re being overly perfectionistic in the goals you’re setting for yourself,” Barlow says. “You see all the ways you won’t meet them, the thought of failure makes you anxious, and anxiety makes you think the worst.” Look at the hard evidence from past experiences. Honestly, have you ever been laughed out of a job interview or a work presentation for not getting every word just so? “Most of the time, people will see that things went all right, even if they thought they could have done better,” says Barlow. “Tell yourself, ‘It’s extremely unlikely that anything will ever go as badly as I think.’”

Stop being so nice.

When you find yourself on edge for no obvious reason, it’s your body’s way of signaling there’s a problem you’re avoiding, says David Burns, MD, author of When Panic Attacks: The New Drug-Free Anxiety Therapy That Can Change Your Life. Most anxiety-prone people try so hard to be agreeable, he says, that when confronted with an upsetting situation (being denied a promotion though they know they deserve one, for example), they’ll sweep their feelings under the rug rather than stand up for themselves. Look back over the last week or so, he suggests, to see if something like this happened, then take steps to express your thoughts and resolve the situation.

Take a walk on the mindful side.

“Whether a threat is from a scary thought or an actual danger, your body tenses up,” says Jeffrey Brantley, MD, director of the Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Program at Duke Integrative Medicine and author of Calming Your Anxious Mind. A walking meditation sends an instant message that it’s okay to relax. To begin, turn your attention to your right foot. Slowly start to walk, noting every sensation as your foot lifts up, swings forward, and settles to the floor. Do the same with your left foot, observing and allowing whatever thoughts and feelings arise. Keep moving until you feel the sense of urgency ebb. “Walking like this helps restore balance so you can gain some insight into what’s bothering you,” says Brantley.

Face your fear.

If there’s a specific activity like public speaking that always makes you break into a cold sweat, try a technique used by cognitive-behavioral therapists: First do something similar but less frightening (making a toast each night at dinner), then gradually move your way through more nerve-racking occasions (giving a toast at a wedding, guest-teaching a class). “Your fear diminishes with each step,” says Martin Antony, PhD, professor of psychology at Ryerson University in Ontario, so by the time you get to the original alarming activity, it will feel less overwhelming. It helps to progress quickly through the list and practice as frequently as possible, he adds: Research shows that this is one of the best ways to reduce anxiety.

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Most of us scarely have time to organize our to-do lists. What are we chasing after? And what would it take to make us rest?

There is a colleague I often bump into at the university where I teach, and we exchange a similar greeting every time. “I stayed up past midnight reading application forms for today’s meeting,” she says. And I answer, “I got up at dawn to prepare for a class.” We groan, laugh lightly and rush off to our busy day—until the next morning’s story of being too busy.

A friend in Senegal tells me that people there address one another very differently—family to family. “Blessings on your father and mother,” one might say upon seeing a friend, “and blessings on your mother’s parents, and blessings on your father’s parents, and blessings on your children.” It is a pleasant greeting, and it takes a while to say it. So why do we Americans greet one another in our grim, rapid-fire way, workload to workload?

Because overworking has become our national way of life. More of us are clocking longer hours, and we seem to be packing our free time with extra activity. According to a report from the International Labour Office, Americans now put in nearly 2,000 hours per year, which comes out to two weeks more than our counterparts in Japan, formerly the long-work-hours capital of the world. The Hilton Time Values Project reports that in a national survey it conducted, 26 percent of respondents agreed with the statement “I consider myself a workaholic.”

What drives us to stay so busy? Some of the pressure to overwork comes from the boss and the need to pay rent. But when I asked those I interviewed for my book The Time Bind why they worked long hours, many of them told me, “We do it to ourselves.” Indeed, some of the pressure to overwork comes from ourselves. Some may feel addicted to the adrenaline rush of doing too much, and at the last minute; others seek appreciation from a supervisor or co-worker. And still others see work as a measure of their value. They think that if they do more, get better, go faster, stay at the office later, they’ll be worth more—and be happier.

But many who struggle still aren’t happy. And with every additional task, we become a little less able to tell what it is that we really feel. What emotions would we experience if we weren’t working ourselves to death? What wishes drive us? What fantasies hitch themselves to our continual busyness? Only when we step away from our frenzy can we know

by O, The Oprah Magazine

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