People around the world have been talking about a movie so powerful that it can change the course of your life. This movie, The Secret, was created by Australian Rhonda Byrne, and she says that if you follow its philosophy, you can create the life you want—whether that means getting out of debt, finding a more fulfilling job or even falling in love.

Rhonda says she stumbled on what she calls The Secret at the end of 2004. At the time, everything in Rhonda’s life had fallen apart—physically, emotionally and financially—and she was in “total despair.” Then her father died suddenly, and she was worried about her grief-stricken mother. “I wept and wept and wept, and I didn’t want my daughter to see me sobbing,” Rhonda says.

That’s when Rhonda’s daughter gave her a copy of The Science of Getting Rich, a book written in 1910 by Wallace D. Wattles. “Something inside of me had me turn the pages one by one, and I can still remember my tears hitting the pages as I was reading it,” Rhonda says. “It gave me a glimpse of The Secret. It was like a flame inside of my heart. And with every day since, it’s just become a raging fire of wanting to share all of this with the world.”
After that first discovery, Rhonda read hundreds of books, listened to hundreds of hours of audio tapes and scoured the Internet for more information. She says she traced the idea of The Secret through history—all the way from 3500 B.C. to the present day. “Since I discovered The Secret, every single moment of my entire life has changed, and I am living my life for the first time,” Rhonda says.

Rhonda defines The Secret as the law of attraction, which is the principle that “like attracts like.” Rhonda calls it “the most powerful law in the universe,” and says it is working all the time. “What we do is we attract into our lives the things we want, and that is based on what we’re thinking and feeling,” Rhonda says. The principle explains that we create our own circumstances by the choices we make in life. And the choices we make are fueled by our thoughts—which means our thoughts are the most powerful things we have here on earth.

To help teach the philosophy, Rhonda created the DVD The Secret, which features experts including the Rev. Dr. Michael Beckwith, James Arthur Ray, Lisa Nichols and Jack Canfield—who not only teach other people about The Secret, but say they are successful in their own lives because they know and use the principle.

The Rev. Dr. Michael Beckwith says he was a drug dealer in college—until he was arrested in a deal gone bad. Michael says he had a spiritual awakening during his trial and decided to turn his life around. Today he leads the Agape Spiritual Center in Los Angeles, where he teaches thousands of faithful followers the path to reaching their highest potential.

James Arthur Ray was insecure and awkward as a teenager until weight lifting helped the self-described geek gain confidence in his 20s. He says that surviving a near-fatal motorcycle crash and almost going bankrupt forced him to focus on the life he truly wanted. Now he runs a multimillion-dollar corporation dedicated to teaching people how to create wealth in all areas of their lives.

Lisa Nichols grew up on the tough streets of South Central Los Angeles. She admits that as a self-conscious teenager, she often used sex to feel loved by men. After hitting rock bottom at age 19, Lisa prayed for a better life. Now, she has made her fortune by motivating more than 60,000 teenagers to make better choices in their own lives.

Chicken Soup for the Soul creator Jack Canfield was deep in debt before he made it big. Now his best-selling books have sold more than 100 million copies worldwide, and Jack travels the country teaching the secret of his success.

The law of attraction means that everything that happens to you—good or bad—you attract to yourself. Lisa describes it as if you’re placing an order. “If you were at a restaurant and you ordered something, you fully expect it to come served that way. That’s how the universe is. You’re putting out orders—consciously and unconsciously,” Lisa says. “So if you say, ‘I’ll never have a great relationship,’ you just placed an order.”

Jack says everything you focus on can have an effect on your life—from books to magazines to thoughts. “All of that affects how we feel, and the feelings actually send out a wave into the universe, and anything that’s vibrating in a similar level gets attracted into our life,” Jack says.

“Most people focus on how it is. We talk about our current reality—’I'm in debt. I’m overweight. I’m not happy. I’m sad. The world’s not working. We’re at war,’ whatever. And the more you think about that and focus on that and talk about it, the more you attract that [negativity],” he says.

Although thoughts are powerful, Jack says the feelings that the thoughts generate are what actually attract things into our lives. “Too many times people are thinking a thought like, ‘I want to be my perfect body weight of 185 pounds.’ But they look at the scale and they see 205 and they think, ‘But I’ll never make it,’ … so they feel bad,” Jack says. Instead of wallowing in those negative thoughts, you need to find the positive in the situation. Jack says you should stop feeling bad about the weight, and instead feel positive that you are willing to do something healthy to make your life better. Carrying with you those positive feelings is one key to your success.

James says that in order to attract the things you want into your life—to place the right order—you have to do what he calls going “three for three.” “Your thoughts, your feelings and your actions all have to be firing simultaneously in the same direction,” he says. Visualizing your future life can help to hone your thoughts and feelings toward the things you want.

The panel says the thoughts and the feelings are often easy for people to grasp, but you still have to do something about them. “A lot of people watch The Secret and they say, ‘Well, I’m sitting around visualizing my millions coming into my lap.’ Well, they’ll come take your furniture away. And then how are you going to visualize [when you're living] on the curb?” James says. “You’ve got to act on it. Make decisions on where you’re going versus where you have been.”

Jack says that everything in the world is made up of energy, which is controlled by thoughts and feelings. According to Jack, thoughts can travel long distances, so you are sending out signals to many people without even knowing it, and these signals attract like energy to you.

Jack and James say that this means there is no such thing as a coincidence. “Everything happens by principles and laws in our universe. And so consequently, we have an absolutely unlimited power within us,” James says.

Michael says that thoughts—which turn into experience, speech and behavior—become the “feeling tone of your life.” “An individual can actually begin to generate a certain feeling of gratitude, of love, of peace and of harmony, and the universe will begin to match that feeling tone—and what will flow into your life will match the feeling that you’re holding,” he says. “It means that everyone…can release themselves from being a victim and begin to take control of their life’s destiny.”

Gratitude is one example of the magnetic force of the universe. “Basically, nothing new can come into your life unless you open yourself up to being grateful [for what you already have],” Michael says.

“If you think about it, the universe has a conveyor belt of presents lined up for you, and until you receive the one and fully are grateful for it, the next one can’t come out of the chute. It’s all lined up,” Jack says.

Lisa says this perspective applies to weight, family, friends and other aspects of life. She says too many people who want to make things better focus on what’s wrong with the present. “Instead of wanting to change it, appreciate what’s there,” Lisa says. “Find the things about it that work … and by doing that, you create a space for it to get better.”

For example, Lisa says she would like to lose some weight. But instead of focusing on the negative—that she hasn’t dropped the pounds yet—she loves and appreciates the present moment. “I accept it. I love it. I embrace every inch, every pound,” she says. In this way, Lisa is creating the space to “celebrate the now” and then invite better things into her life.

According to the panel members, much of the energy that people project into the world is done unconsciously. “People aren’t walking around thinking, ‘I want a bad thing to happen to me,’ but there’s an unconscious fear. There’s a doubt. There’s a worry. There’s a sense of separation there that’s running them,” Michael says. He adds that spiritual growth is “allowing that which is unconscious to become conscious.”

Michael says that spiritual growth does not mean religion but our “real identity.” “The love, the peace, the joy, the wisdom, the harmony—these are all qualities of the spirit that it’s seeking to express through us,” Michael says. “And so as we become more awake, more aware of that, our life is filled with that kind of vibration, that kind of feeling tone. To grow spiritually is to actually become more aware of who you really are.”

Ryan Bell, a single mother of a 4-year-old, is currently $43,000 in debt. “I’m just in over my head,” she says.

Ryan says her financial woes started back in college when she took out loans. After college, Ryan got a job, got pregnant and got married. To cope with the new bills, the couple opened more credit cards, and Ryan helped put her husband through school. Then the unthinkable happened: She and her husband got divorced—and Ryan’s debt worsened. “I went from living on two incomes to living on one income, but I kept the same bills,” Ryan says.

To support herself and her daughter, Ryan works long hours at a high-end clothing store. After her daughter goes to bed, Ryan works at her second job, a home-based Internet business. “It could be huge, but I can’t spend the amount of time on it that I need to to make it successful,” she says.

Now, Ryan sees every day as a struggle and won’t even go to the mailbox because she knows there are bills waiting for her. “I’m sick and tired of being a victim,” Ryan says. “How do I get out of this endless cycle of debt?”

Ryan’s choices have attracted debt to her, the panel says. To attract a solution, Jack says Ryan should turn her focus from her debt to what she knows her life will be like when she’s financially free.

Simply changing her language can also start to make a dent in her debt. When asked how she is, Lisa says she shouldn’t respond with phrases like “I’m surviving.” “That’s not the kind of life you want to live,” Lisa says. “When people ask me how I’m doing, [I say], ‘I’m phenomenal. I’m great’. Even in the midst of all—I’m great,” she says. “I’m great because I made it through.”

James, especially, can relate to Ryan’s troubles, having been on the edge of bankruptcy twice himself. He urges Ryan to take an “action step” toward her dreams. For Ryan, that’s starting a debt retirement program to pay a certain amount of money toward her credit automatically so she can focus every bit of energy on financial freedom.

Still, the most important stride toward a debt-free life, Michael says, is forgiving her ex-husband and to stop feeling like he owes her something. “Let him know in consciousness, in your awareness, that he cannot determine your destiny. You’re not leaving him unaccountable, but you’re severing those emotional vibratory tonalities so that you can be free.”

True forgiveness, James says, is when you can say the following to the person who hurt you: “Thank you for giving me that experience.”

But how can you forgive when something truly tragic or terrible happens? James says you should grieve, but eventually you need to look for a hidden gift. “Here’s what I encourage people to ask themselves: How does this serve me? … If you’re really willing to dig, there’s a lesson in there,” James says. “And secondly, what can I learn from this situation?”

Even if you can’t identify the gift now, Rhonda says to remain positive in order to benefit from of the law of attraction. “You can say, ‘There are so many gifts in this for me. I can’t wait to see what they are,’” Rhonda says.

In chronic situations with no end in sight, Michael says you should ask yourself another important question: “If this were to last forever, what quality would I have to grow to have peace of mind? Now, as my attention goes to the quality I have to grow, that quality starts to emerge,” Michael says. “The issue that I’m resisting and fighting against becomes less and less intense … it begins to dissolve because it doesn’t have your attention any longer.”

Panel member Lisa Nichols says her life was spiraling out of control before she learned The Secret. She grew up in South Central Los Angeles, where there were gangs, poverty and violence.

In fifth grade, Lisa was in the first class to be bused to the Valley—a predominantly white neighborhood—where she thought she would be welcomed. Instead, she was met with name-calling. “My self-esteem went way down,” she says.

Although she eventually became a popular student, Lisa struggled with depression. “At 17, when my best friends were thinking what college to go to, UCLA or USC, I was contemplating suicide and trying to figure out how to do it without getting blood on my mother’s carpet because I knew they couldn’t afford to move,” she says.

Growing up, Lisa was also told that she wasn’t pretty and wouldn’t find love. She began having “a lot of sex looking for a little love,” searching for her own validation in men. “The sex led to a lot of pain. I thought if I was saying no to the sex, I was saying no to potential love. And I didn’t want to say no to love.”

Lisa began to gain weight in order to avoid men altogether. After gaining 100 pounds, Lisa says she was obese and embarrassed.

Finally, Lisa reached a turning point. “I got on my knees and I said, ‘God, if you bring me through this … I promise I will spend every moment, every breath, supporting and encouraging others to do the same,’” she says.

Lisa decided to stop being a victim. She stopped looking for love elsewhere and fell “madly in love” with herself. Now, she teaches people how to treat her. “I’m the first example of how the world is supposed to love me and I have to give them the best example ever,” she says. “We expect someone to show us our greatness when [instead] I’m supposed to show up understanding my greatness and allowing you to celebrate it with me.”

After 16 years of marriage, Carlton and Beverly Credelle say the passion in their marriage had fizzled. “It just felt as though our life was just mundane, really passionless, almost emotionless,” Beverly says. “Like I didn’t have his mind anymore, his soul, his heart.” At one point, the couple hadn’t been intimate in a year.

Then, Beverly watched The Secret. “For the record, I’ve seen it 62 times. But the first time is when that lightbulb went off,” she says. Beverly realized she was part of the problem. She stopped complaining and began to focus on her gratitude for Carlton. “I started telling myself, ‘I am beautiful. I do deserve passion. I am in a passion-filled marriage.’”

Things changed immediately after Carlton also watched the DVD. Soon, he started making romantic gestures, like taking Beverly out for lunch dates and calling her during the day. She began doing little things for him, too—leaving him a rose in his car and surprising him with his favorite cookies.

Michael says Carlton and Beverly are an example of how gratitude brings about change. “My marriage now is wonderful,” Carlton says. “I feel the passion. I’m loving it.”

Launell is successful in all areas of her life—except when it comes to taking off the baby weight she started gaining 14 years ago.

The first step, James says, is to be grateful for her health and choose to stay healthy and whole. “I want you to start every single day … saying, ‘Thank you for the health I have.’ Say, ‘I love my legs because they’re working functionally,’” James says. “Concentrate on your health and wholeness every day, and you’ll attract more health and wholeness every day.”

Lisa says Launell also has to believe she has the right to have the body she wants. “Make a decision. Do you have the right? Are you ready for it? Are you ready to look in the mirror and love every inch?” Lisa says. “Make 2007 about showing up in the now for you,” Lisa says.

Repeating after Lisa, Launell declares, “I choose today to give myself the best life ever!”

You can start living the The Secret today by following three simple steps: Ask. Believe. Receive.

Michael says to start making a conscious effort every day to take actions that will sync with the energy of the life you dream about. “When you’re talking about action, you’re talking about walking in the direction you want,” Michael says.

But not just any action will do, James says. It has to be one that comes from the heart and will provide a real service. “It’s not, ‘If you build it, they will come,’ necessarily. It’s, ‘If you build it and it provides value, they will come,’” he says. “It’s that heart space. Not ‘What can I get?’ but ‘What can I give and how can I serve?’ And when you’re in that moment, the universe lines up behind you and it’s at your command.”

From: The Oprah Winfrey Show – The Secret

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If a lack of communication with your partner is causing tension in your relationship, this exercise is designed to help you talk together about your dreams, values and priorities in life..

It’s best to dedicate a whole evening to this task.

You’ll need five sheets of paper and head them up as follows: Career, Home, Family, Possessions and Pastimes.

Your goals

Taking as much time as you need, write down on each page all the things you hope for under that heading Note down all the realistic goals you’re currently aiming for and the things you’d like to aspire to in the future. Think as far ahead as you can into retirement and old age.

The following questions may help:

• Career – work or not? What sort of job? Location, salary, hours? Self-employed? Employed? The same job all your life or will you change direction?
• Home – where? How many homes? What style? Will you settle in one place or move regularly?
• Family – children? If so, how many and how will you educate them? Will you live close to parents, brothers and sisters? How often will you see them? How much involvement will they have with your life?
• Possessions – what are the essentials? What luxuries do you definitely want? What would be added bonuses?
• Pastimes – social life and friends: how much time and how often? Hobbies and relaxation time: how much time will you spend as a couple, how much time apart? Will you share activities or have separate hobbies?

Ask why

Once you’ve completed these lists, take some time to think about why you’d like to achieve these things. What is the need in you that achieving this goal will satisfy? Is it security, popularity or your own satisfaction? Or maybe it’s about maintaining certain core values in your life, such as caring for family or giving to society. Sharing this information with your partner will help you to feel closer and build intimacy.

If completing this exercise leaves you feeling uncomfortable or you have concerns about your relationship, try talking it through with your partner or a trusted friend. Alternatively, you might want to consider seeing a relationship counsellor.

by Paula Hall

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Every relationship needs a solid foundation if it’s to survive all life can throw at it. Here are seven essentials that spell relationship success.

1. Love yourself
Unless you love yourself, it’s hard for you to believe that anyone else will.

Self-esteem is important for a healthy relationship. When you truly like yourself, in spite of any failings and weaknesses you may have, you’ll feel confident. And when you feel confident and secure within yourself, you can enjoy being with your partner for the joy they bring to your life, not because you feel you need them to survive. For tips on building confidence see the Improving confidence site.

If you’ve had bad experiences in the past, it’s worth working through these issues with a trusted friend or counsellor. It can be tempting to lean on your partner and rely on them for reassurance, but the stronger you are as an individual, the stronger and more equal your relationship will be.

2. Like your partner
Healthy relationships happen between two people who really like each other. It may be more romantic to talk about love, but it’s important to remember that love is an emotion that comes and goes.

If you genuinely like each other, enjoy being together, agree with how each other thinks and behaves, and share the same dreams in life, then loving feelings will never be too far away.

It’s important to tell your partner you like them, too. Warm words of encouragement and support build trust and respect. Add the odd compliment as well and you’ll be helping to boost their self-esteem.

3. Make quality time
The importance of things can be measured by the amount of time we’re willing to give them. When a couple first gets together, they instinctively prioritise their relationship. But as time goes by and life gets busier with work and children, time together often slips down the list of priorities.

If you don’t spend regular quality time together, chances are you’ll drift apart. Making such time for each other may mean sacrificing other activities, but remember it’s an investment in your future happiness.

4. Communicate
Good communication is essential for a healthy relationship. It’s the only way you can tell your partner who you are, what you want and why you behave the way you do. Talking is the way we let each other into our private worlds.

Communicating better is about learning to say openly and honestly exactly what you think and feel. It also means listening to your partner without judgement. For more see Talk and listen.

5. Argue well
It’s important to accept that arguments are a normal part of a relationship. We’re all unique and so we’re bound to have our differences.

Couples who argue well don’t have to worry about not always agreeing. A good argument is an opportunity to share your feelings and strengthen your bond by reaching a decision you’re both happy with. It can be an experience that leaves you both feeling more confident about your relationship and brings you closer together.

6. Touch every day
Touching is a vital human need. Studies have shown that without touching, many animals – including humans – will die in childhood. Being caressed also lowers blood pressure and releases natural opiates in the brain, as well as the chemical oxytocin, which is essential for human pair-bonding. For more, see Sensual touching.

Touch has the power to comfort and support, to protect and encourage, to relax and, of course, to arouse. Every couple knows their sex life may have dry periods, but our need for physical affection never changes.

7. Accept change
People change over the years and it’s these changes that can keep a relationship alive. Life changes too – and not always in ways that we want.

Change can provide opportunities for growth and intimacy, but it can also be painful. It may mean adjusting to a new way of thinking or a new way of life. It may also mean letting go of things that have been familiar and safe.

In successful relationships, couples learn to adapt and change together. They accept that change is an inevitable part of human life and support each other, for better for worse.

Keeping all seven principles going isn’t easy, but the more you can manage on a regular basis, the stronger your relationships will be.

by Paula Hall

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Have you ever known a married couple that just didn’t seem as though they should fit together–yet they are both happy in the marriage, and you can’t figure out why?

I know of one couple: He is a burly ex-athlete who, in addition to being a successful salesman, coached Little League, was active in his Rotary Club and played golf every Saturday with friends. Meanwhile, his wife is petite, quiet and a complete homebody. She doesn’t even like to go out to dinner.

What mysterious force drives us into the arms of one person, while pushing us away from another who might appear equally desirable to any unbiased observer?

Of the many factors influencing our idea of the perfect mate, one of the most telling, according to John Money, professor emeritus of medical psychology and pediatrics at Johns Hopkins University, is what he calls our ‘lovemap’–a group of messages encoded in our brains that describes our likes and dislikes. It shows our preferences in hair and eye color, in voice, smell, body build. It also records the kind of personality that appeals to us, whether it’s the warm and friendly type or the strong, silent type.

In short, we fall for and pursue those people who most clearly fit our lovemap. And this lovemap is largely determined in childhood. By age eight, the pattern for our ideal mate has already begun to float around in our brains.

When I lecture, I often ask couples in the audience what drew them to their dates or mates. Answers range from ‘She’s strong and independent’ and ‘I go for redheads’ to ‘I love his sense of humor’ and ‘That crooked smile, that’s what did it.’

I believe what they say. But I also know that if I were to ask those same men and women to describe their mothers, there would be many similarities between their ideal mates and their moms. Yes, our mothers–the first real love of our lives–write a significant portion of our lovemap.

When we’re little, our mother is the center of our attention, and we are the center of hers. So our mother’s characteristics leave an indelible impression, and we are forever after attracted to people with her facial features, body type, personality, even sense of humor. If our mother was warm and giving, as adults we tend to be attracted to people who are warm and giving. If our mother was strong and even-tempered, we are going to be attracted to a fair-minded strength in our mates.

The mother has an additional influence on her sons: she not only gives them clues to what they will find attractive in a mate, but also affects how they feel about women in general. So if she is warm and nice, her sons are going to think that’s the way women are. They will likely grow up warm and responsive lovers and also be cooperative around the house.

Conversely, a mother who has a depressive personality, and is sometimes friendly but then suddenly turns cold and rejecting, may raise a man who becomes a ‘dance-away lover.’ Because he’s been so scared about love from his mother, he is afraid of commitment and may pull away from a girlfriend for this reason.

While the mother determines in large part what qualities attract us in a mate, it’s the father–the first male in our lives–who influences how we relate to the opposite sex. Fathers have an enormous effect on their children’s personalities and chances of marital happiness.

Just as mothers influence their son’s general feelings toward women, fathers influence their daughter’s general feelings about men. If a father lavishes praise on his daughter and demonstrates that she is a worthwhile person, she’ll feel very good about herself in relation to men. But if the father is cold, critical or absent, the daughter will tend to feel she’s not very lovable or attractive.

What about opposites? Are they really attracted to each other? Yes and no. In many ways we want a mirror image of ourselves. Physically attractive people, for example, are usually drawn to a partner who’s equally attractive.

In addition, most of us grow up with people of similar social circumstances. We hang around with people in the same town; our friends have about the same educational backgrounds and career goals. We tend to be most comfortable with these people, and therefore we tend to link up with others whose families are often much like our own.

Robert Winch, a longtime sociology professor at Northwestern University, stated in his research that our choice of a marriage partner involves a number of social similarities. But he also maintained that we look for someone with complementary needs. A talker is attracted to someone who likes to listen, or an aggressive personality may seek out a more passive partner.

It’s rather like the old, but perceptive, saying on the subject of marriage that advises future partners to make sure that the holes in one’s head fit the bumps in the other’s. Or, as Winch observed, it’s the balancing out of sociological likenesses and psychological differences that seems to point the way for the most solid lifelong romance.

However, there are instances where people of different social backgrounds end up getting married and being extremely happy. I know of one man, a factory worker from a traditional Irish family in Chicago, who fell in love with an African-American Baptist. When they got married, their friends and relatives predicted a quick failure. But 25 years later, the marriage is still strong.

It turns out that the woman was like her mother-in-law–a loving and caring person, the type who rolls up her sleeves and volunteers to work at church or help out people in need. This is the quality that her husband fell for, and it made color and religion and any other social factors irrelevant to him.

Or as George Burns, who was Jewish and married the Irish Catholic Gracie Allen, used to say: his marriage was his favorite gig, even though it was Gracie who got all the laughs. The two of them did share certain social similarities–both grew up in the city, in large but poor families. Yet what really drew them together was evident from the first time they went on stage together. They complemented each other perfectly: he was the straight man, and she delivered the punch lines.

There are certainly such ‘odd couples’ who could scarcely be happier. We all know some drop-dead beautiful person married to an unusually plain wallflower. This is a trade-off some call the equity theory.

When men and women possess a particular asset, such as high intelligence, unusual beauty, a personality that makes others swoon, or a hefty bankroll that has the same effect, some decide to trade their assets for someone else’s strong points. The raging beauty may trade her luster for the power and security that come with big bucks. The not-so-talented fellow from a good family may swap his pedigree for a poor but brilliantly talented mate.

Indeed, almost any combination can survive and thrive. Once, some neighbors of mine stopped by for a friendly social engagement. During the evening Robert, a man in his 50s, suddenly blurted out, ‘What would you say if your daughter planned to marry someone who has a ponytail and insisted on doing the cooking?’

‘Unless your daughter loves cooking,’ I responded, ‘I’d say she was darn lucky.’

‘Exactly,’ his wife agreed. ‘It’s really your problem, Robert–that old macho thing rearing its head again. The point is, they’re in love.’

I tried to reassure Robert, pointing out that the young man their daughter had picked out seemed to be a relaxed, nonjudgmental sort of person–a trait he shared with her own mother.

Is there such a thing as love at first sight? Why not? When people become love-struck, what happens in that instant is the couple probably discovers a unique something they have in common. It could be something as mundane as they both were reading the same book or were born in the same town. At the same time they recognize some trait in the other that complements their own personality.

I happen to be one of those who was struck by the magic wand. On that fateful weekend, while I was a sophomore at Cornell University, I had a terrible cold and hesitated to join my family on vacation in the Catskill Mountains. Finally I decided anything would be better than sitting alone in my dormitory room.

That night as I was preparing to go to dinner, my sister rushed up the stairs and said, ‘When you walk into that dining room, you’re going to meet the man you’ll marry.’

I think I said something like ‘Buzz off!’ But my sister couldn’t have been more right. I knew it from the moment I saw him, and the memory still gives me goose flesh. He was a premed student, also at Cornell, who incidentally also had a bad cold. I fell in love with Milton the instant I met him.

Milt and I were married for 39 years, until his death in 1989. And all that time we experienced a love that Erich Fromm called a ‘feeling of fusion, of oneness,’ even while we both continued to change, grow and fulfill our lives.

By Joyce Brothers

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Secrets Of Sensual Love Making – 500 Lovemaking Tips and Secrets

Are you frustrated that your relationship doesn’t
have the magic and romance that it once had?

You’re not alone.

Living with the same partner for a long time can
become stable and comfortable, and, as a result,
can also kill the spark that made your relationship
so special in the first place.

Here are some simple, fun and creative ideas to
reignite that magic:

1. SEND THEM A UNIQUE GIFT

Get a piece of paper and some crayons. Draw a
bright childlike picture with a smiley sun and two
stick figures holding hands. Add labels with your
two names pointing to the stick figures. Write ‘I
Love You’ inside a heart. Next get a large formal
envelope. Place your drawing inside and type up a
formal address label of your partner’s workplace,
such as: “For the immediate and urgent attention
of: Rebecca Jones, Level 20, Collins & Smith
Solicitors, New York.” Mail it to your partner so
they receive it in the middle of a busy day.

2. BECOME KIDS AGAIN

If you are walking by a park, visit the swings and
give your partner a ride. This will often bring
back happy memories from their childhood.

3. FUN WITH WATER

On a hot summer’s day, buy two large water pistols
and take them to the beach with you. Pull them out
and throw one to your partner and then have a huge
water fight.

4. A MASSAGE WITH A TWIST

Buy a small, decorated cardboard box, a sheet of
colored tissue paper, some massage oil and a blank
card. Line the box with the tissue paper. Place the
massage oil in the box and write the following
message on the card: I know a great masseur. For an
appointment call: (Your Phone Number)

5. BRING BACK CHILDHOOD MEMORIES

Contact your partner’s family and ask if there was
anything she always wanted when she was a little
girl. For example if she always wanted a porcelain
doll, buy one for her birthday. She will not only
appreciate the gift, but also the fact that you
were thoughtful enough to find out what she always
wanted. You can do this for your man too.

6. STARE AT THE CLOUDS

Drive into the country, find a grassy hill, and lie
with your partner and look up at the clouds.

7. WALK ALONG THE BEACH

Trace out the shape of a large love heart in the
sand. Sit inside the heart and cuddle your partner
as you watch the sun go down.

8. ORGANIZE A PICNIC ON A WARM SUMMER’S NIGHT

Spread a picnic blanket on the ground and get
together some snacks, chocolates and champagne. Lie
down on the blanket with your partner and gaze up
at the stars together.

9. SHOW YOU’RE GRATEFUL FOR YOUR PARTNER

Leave a long-stem rose where your partner will find
it, with a note on it saying: “Thank you for coming
into my life.”

10. SPICE UP YOUR LOVEMAKING

Probably the most profound way to rekindle the
romance in your relationship is to spice up your
lovemaking. Surprise your partner with a little
gift after you make love, try a new position, learn
to give your partner a sensual massage before or
after, or just spend some time staring into each
other’s eyes and caressing their bare skin before
making love.

Many people underestimate the affect passionate and
intimate lovemaking has on a relationship. If you
spice it up, chances are you and your partner will
naturally do romantic things for each other. Why?
Because passionate lovemaking connects two people
in a meaningful and unexplainable way that nothing
else can.

About the Author:

Oprah Love Expert Michael Webb is the author of 500
Lovemaking Tips, a book full of ways to spice up
your lovemaking, adding more passion, pleasure and
intimacy to your experience. To read more, visit:

Secrets Of Sensual Love Making – 500 Lovemaking Tips and Secrets

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