Because there is a big difference between living and merely existing…

• Educate yourself until the day you die. – The time and energy you invest in your education will change your life.  You are a product of what you know.  The more knowledge you acquire, the more control you have over your life.
• Take good care of your body. – Your body is the greatest tool you’ll ever own.  It impacts every step you take and every move you make.  Nourish it, exercise it, and rest it.
• Spend as much time as possible with the people you love. – Human beings are emotional creatures.  Family and close friends makeup the core of your emotional support system.  The more you nurture them, the more they will nurture you.
• Be a part of something you believe in. – This could be anything.  Some people take an active role in their local city council, some find refuge in religious faith, some join social clubs supporting causes they believe in, and others find passion in their careers.  In each case the psychological outcome is the same.  They engage themselves in something they strongly believe in.  This engagement brings happiness and meaning into their lives.
• Excel at what you do. – There’s no point in doing something if you aren’t going to do it right.  Excel at your work and excel at your hobbies.  Develop a reputation for yourself, a reputation for consistent excellence.
• Live below your means. – Live a comfortable life, not a wasteful one.  Do not spend to impress others.  Do not live life trying to fool yourself into thinking wealth is measured in material objects.  Manage your money wisely so your money does not manage you.  Always live well below your means.
• Be self-sufficient. – Freedom is the greatest gift.  Self-sufficiency is the greatest freedom.
• Build a comfortable, loving household. – Home is where the heart is.  Your home should be comfortable and lined with love.  It should be a place that brings the whole family together.
• Always be honest with yourself and others. – Living a life of honesty creates peace of mind, and peace of mind is priceless.
• Respect elders.  Respect minors.  Respect everyone. – There are no boundaries or classes that define a group of people that deserve to be respected.  Treat everyone with the same level of respect you would give to your grandfather and the same level of patience you would have with your baby brother.
• Mix it up.  Try different things. – Seek as many new life experiences as possible and be sure to share them with the people you love.  After all, your life’s story is simply a string of experiences.  The more experiences you have, the more interesting your story gets.
• Take full ownership of your actions. – Either you own up to your actions or your actions will ultimately own you.
• Over-deliver on all your promises. – Some people habitually make promises they are just barely able to fulfill.  They promise perfection and deliver mediocrity.  If you want to boost your personal value, do the exact opposite. Slightly under-sell your capabilities so that you’re always able to over-deliver.  It will seem to others like you’re habitually going above and beyond the call of duty.
• Listen more.  Talk less. – The more you listen and the less you talk, the more you will learn and the less you will miss.
• Focus more on less. – Think in terms of Karate: A black belt seems far more impressive than a brown belt.  But does a brown belt really seem any more impressive than a red belt?  Probably not to most people.  Remember that society elevates experts high onto a pedestal.  Hard work matters, but not if it’s scattered in diverse directions.  Focus on less and master it all.
• Exploit the resources you do have access to. – The average person is usually astonished when they see a physically handicap person show intense signs of emotional happiness.  How could someone in such a restricted physical state be so happy?  The answer rests in how they use the resources they do have.  Stevie Wonder couldn’t see, so he exploited his sense of hearing into a passion for music, and he now has 25 Grammy Awards to prove it.
• Savor the natural joys of simple pleasures. – I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the best things in life are free.  They come in the form of simple pleasures and they appear right in front of you at various locations and arbitrary times.  They are governed by Mother Nature and situational circumstance and captured by mindful awareness.  It’s all about taking a moment to notice the orange and pink sunset reflecting off the pond water as you hold hands with someone you love.  Noticing these moments and taking part in them regularly will bring unpredictable bursts of happiness into your life.
• Reflect on your goals and direction. – Not doing so is committing to wasteful misdirection.  The process of self reflection helps maintain a conscious awareness of where you’ve been and where you intend to go, giving you the ability to realign your trajectory when necessary.
• Leave time for spontaneous excursions. – Sometimes opportunity knocks at unexpected times.  Make sure you have enough flexibility in your schedule to respond accordingly.
• Be here now. – Right now is the only moment guaranteed to you.  Right now is life.  Don’t miss it.

Marc and Angel Hack Life

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I’m a nonstop happiness seeker. On long drives, I don’t ask my husband, “Are we there yet?” I meditate on life and ask myself, “Am I happy yet?”

Here’s my happiness inventory: I have a great house, but the toilets gurgle incessantly. My 9-year-old son is adorable, but has nerve-shredding sleep habits. My husband of 21 years is worth at least his weight in Godiva, but I’m pretty sure I see my dry cleaner more often.

My main happiness inhibitor is that if the glass is half full, I often empty it, puncturing good moods by imagining worst-case scenarios. If everything’s fine but I have the sniffles, I immediately envision my illness escalating. I picture myself bedridden for days, with my house, son, and husband all hideously neglected.

So do I have a serious shot at becoming happier? Yes, say researchers, who’ve found new scientific evidence of what really boosts our moods. Here, their best strategies:

Take a Pass on Perfection
When surveyed in the 1970s, most women reported being happier than men. Today, the opposite is true. What gives? One theory is that, over the past few decades, females have gone from holding one job (running the house) to two jobs (working full-time plus handling the housework). And a fast way to trigger unhappiness is bigger to-do lists — not to mention mounting pressure for women who want to do it all.

What’s more, striving for an out-of-reach goal (like trying to be a star employee; patient, positive parent; and ever-understanding wife — all at the same time) can backfire if you blame yourself when you fall short, explains Alice Domar, Ph.D., a psychologist and author of the upcoming Be Happy Without Being Perfect.

Striving for constant contentment is equally unrealistic. Domar lays it on the line: “If you think you should feel happy nearly all the time, it’s going to make you miserable.”

Your strategy: Manage your expectations. A new study led by the University of Virginia looked at how everyday events (both positive and negative) affected people’s overall daily satisfaction. Researchers tracked four groups: European Americans, Asian Americans, Japanese, and Koreans. The study showed that European Americans reported feeling happier than the other groups did, but needed double the number of positive events to help them rebound from negative ones. The study authors suspect that a downside of feeling happy most of the time is that you expect to feel that way all the time. So when good things happen, it seems normal, but when bad things happen, it can seem catastrophic.

Find Your Balance
Psychologists generally describe happiness as a sense of well-being or satisfaction with your life. They say there’s fun without meaning (think foot massages) and meaning without fun (like 2 a.m. feedings), and happiness comes from some combo of the two. If you consistently choose fun without meaning, you’ll likely feel empty inside. But if you too often focus solely on lofty goals, you could wind up depleted and resentful. (Note to self: I will not feel guilty the next time I devote my morning to catching up on episodes of Grey’s Anatomy.)

Don’t Try to Buy Happiness
Sure, money helps, especially if you start out poor and then do better. But a nationwide study published last year in Social Indicators Research found that those who avidly pursued possessions were less satisfied with their friendships, families, jobs — even their health — than participants who were less materialistic.

Switch Gears
A study at the University of Missouri-Columbia tracked hundreds of subjects who experienced a change in their circumstances (like moving to a nicer place) and in their activities (like pursuing a new hobby). A few months later, those who changed their activities reported more gains in well-being. One possible reason: A shift in circumstances often involves a onetime event, which can fade into the background of our lives, says study author Sonja Lyubomirsky, Ph.D., who wrote The How of Happiness. Exploring a new interest, on the other hand, is inherently entertaining, and may lead you to discover other activities over time.

Lose Yourself in the Moment
If you’re in a bad mood, try to find your “flow.” The word describes a “state of effortless concentration and enjoyment,” writes Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Ph.D., a leading expert in positive psychology, which focuses on increasing one’s joys and strengths. For some people, achieving flow means whooshing down a ski slope; for me, it’s working my way through a crossword puzzle. What delivers the most happiness: whatever activity energizes you and makes you feel like time is flying by — or even makes you lose track of it.

Develop an Attitude of Gratitude
In a Japanese study of 175 people published last year, happy and unhappy participants experienced the same number of negative moments each day. The big difference: The contented subjects had more frequent and intense positive moments.

One way to feel happier is to recognize good things when they happen. If you have trouble counting your blessings, try keeping a gratitude journal. Several studies show that people who record what they appreciate experience greater happiness, less anxiety — and even better sleep. Gratitude, I’ve found, is also an excellent antidote to grumpiness.

Share the Love
The Japanese study also found that contented people’s happy experiences most often involved connecting with someone. In an earlier study, positive-psychology researchers Ed Diener, Ph.D., and Martin E. P. Seligman, Ph.D., discovered a similar pattern. “One hundred percent of the very happy people had good relationships,” says Diener. It didn’t matter if the strong bond was with a partner, a friend, or a parent — the important thing was that the person had at least two out of three of these essential relationships. “We have what looks like a necessary condition for greater happiness,” says Diener.

It’s not surprising, then, that marriage also correlates very strongly with overall happiness. In a National Opinion Research Center poll of 3,500 people that was released last year, 42 percent of the marrieds reported that they were very happy, compared with only 19 percent of the singles. What’s going on here? Experts theorize that people benefit from having a reliable emotional partner in their life.

The fastest way to improve your relationships: Set aside inviolable time for them, experts suggest. (I’m on top of it; my husband and I just scheduled a date night.)

Help Yourself by Helping Others
After recovering from a bout of depression, philosopher John Stuart Mill said, “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.” He came to believe that “those only are happy who have their minds fixed on some object other than their own happiness; on the happiness of others, on the improvement of mankind…. Aiming thus at something else, they find happiness by the way.”

Helping others makes us feel capable and full of purpose, experts note, and it lets us quit stressing about our own problems for a while. (I can attest to this; I’ll bet you can, too.) In a study published in 2006 in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, researchers could literally see the joys of giving. Subjects were hooked up to a brain-imaging mechanism and asked to click yes or no to charity-giving opportunities. When they donated, the machine registered a boost in blood flow to a part of the brain associated with recognizing a reward.

That doesn’t mean you have to book your already hectic schedule with endless community-service commitments. Small gestures work, too, says Stephen Post, Ph.D., co­author of Why Good Things Happen to Good People. You could pay the highway toll for the car behind you, or try to be pleasant to everyone you encounter for a day (it’s harder than it sounds).

Choose to Choose Less
Having a lot of options isn’t always so great, says Barry Schwartz, author of The Paradox of Choice. In a 2006 study of job seekers, he found that “maximizers” (those who searched until they found the best position) were less happy with their choices than “satisficers” (those who took the first good one).

Schwartz explains that too much choice can cause anxiety and lead people to blame themselves if their decisions don’t turn out as well as they expected. His recommendation: Learn how to accept good-enough options.

Introduce Your Body to Your Mind
Fred B. Bryant, Ph.D., coauthor of Savoring, says you can increase happiness just by articulating it. In several experiments, subjects instructed to visibly express their reactions while watching a funny movie reported greater pleasure than their more subdued counterparts. So get your body involved when you’re feeling good. Jump up and down or dance around. (Evidence that this technique isn’t as silly as it sounds: I unleashed a self-congratulatory “yahoo!” after my last set of tummy crunches and felt a lot more revved up.)

Be More Forgiving
A conciliatory attitude can help counteract feelings of depression, powerlessness, and anxiety about future hurts. What’s more, in a 2006 study of over 200 subjects, Frederic Luskin, Ph.D., author of Forgive for Good, found that forgiveness training even reduced participants’ stress by 25 percent.

So how do you let go of anger and resentment toward others? Take into account the stresses that contributed to the wrongdoer’s behavior, remember his positive traits, and consider requesting an apology. And if your motivation starts to falter, keep in mind that forgiving is really a gift you give yourself.

Pick Out the Positives
“Many people say things happen for the best. I don’t agree with that,” says Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D., a Harvard University psychology professor and author of Happier. “But some people are able to make the best of things that happen — and that’s a key to happiness.” One way to do this: Reframe your thoughts. This wisdom struck me last year, when my father was in the hospital with heart disease. Instead of dreading my visits with him, I started to see them for what they were: my last, precious chances to connect with him before he passed away. It also gave me the opportunity to care for him as he had done for me when I was a child.

Once we start trying to reframe, it can quickly become a habit. In Stumbling on Happiness, Daniel Gilbert, Ph.D., writes that humans have “a remarkable ability to manufacture happiness. For example, when people in experiments are randomly awarded one of two equally valuable prizes, they quickly come to believe that the prize they won was more valuable than the prize they lost.”

Oh, Happy Day! Schedule time for some of these joy builders, and you’ll be more content in just 24 hours.

7:30 a.m.
Hit the gym. Regular 30-minute aerobic workouts fight depression and anxiety just as well as our most powerful psychiatric drugs, says Tal Ben-Shahar, Ph.D.

8:30 a.m.
Buy yourself a bouquet of flowers. A 2006 Harvard Medical School study reported that people felt more relaxed and upbeat after having fresh blooms around for just a few days.

12:00 p.m.
Eat a healthy lunch and schedule a doctor’s appointment. Poor health is the strongest predictor of unhappiness, a 2006 Pew Research Center survey found.

3:00 p.m.
Reward yourself after finishing a tough task. This works because those final moments are crucial to how we remember our experiences. In one study, colonoscopy patients reported less discomfort if the tip of the scope remained in place after the procedure, even though it prolonged the exam, because the end was less unpleasant.

5:30 p.m.
Say thanks. In his extensive research, Authentic Happiness author Martin E. P. Seligman, Ph.D., found that gratitude was strongly associated with life satisfaction. Make a “gratitude visit,” he suggests. “Write a letter to someone you want to thank and then read it to them face-to-face.”

7:00 p.m.
Plan something special. A study from Loma Linda University in California found that when participants just anticipated watching their favorite funny movie, their endorphin levels increased by 27 percent. Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert, Ph.D., adds, “When subjects are offered a trip now or next month, they pick the later date to savor the anticipation. We’re the only species that does that.”

9:00 p.m.
Meditate. Try something simple, like counting your breaths for a few minutes. Researchers have conducted several studies with Buddhist monks who were experienced meditators, using machines to measure their brain activity. They found that the monks’ brains showed higher activity levels in areas associated with contentment.

10:00 p.m.
Get ready for bed. Experts note that to prepare for a good night’s rest, you should start unwinding an hour beforehand. Remember that if you don’t get enough sleep — seven to nine hours for most adults — your pleasures wane, and you’re likely to have spats with loved ones (who are, after all, essential to our happiness).

By Stacy Weiner  - GoodHouseKeeping.com

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Six common barriers to personal happiness and fulfillment and how to overcome them.

Happiness can be a paradox: The more you reach for it, the more it seems to slip through your fingers. “Ask yourself if you’re happy, and you cease to be so,” says Darrin McMahon, PhD, author of Happiness: A History.

How could this be true? Could it be you’re looking for happiness in all the wrong places? Do you think happiness is what you get when you get what you want? Some say happiness is a little like falling in love, that you can’t make it happen. If that’s the case, then how can you become happier?

At the 2008 Happiness & Its Causes Conference in San Francisco, a wide range of people — from scientists, doctors, and psychologists to artists, philosophers, and Tibetan Buddhists — offered their thoughts on the topic. Here are a few of their tips for overcoming six common barriers to happiness.

Happiness Barrier No. 1: Complexity

Solution: Simplify

Schooled in Buddhist monasteries since childhood, Thupten Jinpa, PhD, knows a thing or two about the benefits of simplicity. Why do you think monks and nuns shave their heads, he asks? For one, it simplifies their lives.

A principal English translator to the Dalai Lama, Jinpa is no longer a monk. But he still holds on to some of the lifestyle’s spartan values. “My family has a one-car policy,” he says, pointing out the hassles of owning more than one — the costs, the maintenance, and the time managing the details. Multiple credit cards? They don’t create freedom or happiness, he argues — although, these days, he might get less of an argument about that.

Modern life has elevated individual choice to the highest level, he says, but these choices come at a big price. “We often conflate quality of life with standard of life,” Jinpa says, “but after a point, the connection [between the two] disappears.”

If you simplify your life, you create more space in your day, making it possible to reflect on your life.

Happiness Barrier No. 2: A Breakneck Pace

Solution: Take a Pause

The same culture that entangles you in a web of complexity may also have you on the constant chase, Jinpa says. “That kind of tension takes a toll on your soul and your psyche.” Whether you call it meditation, silence, or prayer, taking a “pause” just a few minutes a day can help you “recharge your batteries” and make you feel happier. A good time to do this is in the morning. Without it, your life may feel out of control.

Venerable Robina Courtin, a Buddhist nun and organizer of the Happiness & Its Causes Conference, recommends spending these minutes practicing mindful meditation. “During the day, we’re completely absorbed by our senses,” she says, “so we don’t pay attention to our minds.” Sit in a quiet place and simply anchor your mind on your breathing. When your mind wanders, bring it back to your breath. Through this process, you learn to observe what your mind is saying.

Happiness Barrier No. 3: Negativity

Solution: Let go

“Your prison is nothing in comparison with the inner prison of ordinary people: the prison of attachment, the prison of anger, the prison of depression, the prison of pride.” wrote Lama Zopa Rinpoche to a California prisoner, a student of the Liberation Prison Project, which offers Buddhist teachings to people in prison.

Some might view this statement as a bit of an exaggeration. But negative, compulsive thoughts do have a quality of stickiness to them, Jinpa says. How you see things and the way you experience the world are strongly linked, making it critical to adopt a positive outlook. “You interact with the world through your senses and mind,” he says. “If you can find a way to stand at the doorway of your senses, you can have a say in how you experience the world.”

In our culture, though, we take it as natural that people are angry, depressed, or dejected, Courtin says. “No wonder we get depressed — it’s a depressing world view. It says you can’t do anything about it.” If you believe your abusive boss, father, or partner is the main cause of your suffering, for example, then you’ve tied your own hands and risk becoming imprisoned by toxic thoughts.

The Buddhist view, by contrast, is that happiness is what you get when you give up a neurotic state of mind, Courtin says. It’s empowering, she says, because knowing you can change it gives you the courage to look inside, pay attention, and take responsibility for your thoughts. Rather than judging negative thoughts, Courtin advises observing them with compassion. Then ask yourself, “What can I do about this?”

Techniques like mindful meditation can help with this, but may not be for everyone, especially those experiencing severe depression, says Philippe R. Goldin, PhD, research associate in the department of psychology at Stanford University.

But there are other simple steps you can take to counteract negativity and enhance your happiness. Practicing gratitude is one. People appear to have a certain set point for happiness, a range that’s influenced by genetics. But those who regularly practice gratitude can enhance this set point by as much as 25%, reports Robert Emmons, PhD in his book, Thanks!: How Practicing Gratitude Can Make You Happier. Through his research, Emmons found that people who kept gratitude journals felt better about their lives, exercised more, and were more optimistic.

Happiness Barrier No. 4: Despair

Solution: Stay hopeful

Did a parent attempt to protect you as a child by saying, “Don’t get your hopes up”? There’s no evidence that hope is hurtful, says David B. Feldman, PhD, assistant professor of counseling psychology at Santa Clara University in California. Instead, hope can greatly enhance happiness in people.

But genuine hope isn’t a yellow smiley face or the denial of death at the bedside of a loved one in hospice, says Feldman, who’s pursued research and clinical work addressing the question: “How do people maintain hope and meaning in the face of adversity?

Three components are essential for hope to thrive, Feldman says. They are having goals, as well as a plan and the motivation to achieve them. “Those who succeed don’t internalize the blame game, either internally or externally,” he says, “They ask, ‘what now?’”

In addition to reaching goals, these people perform better in sports and school, Feldman says. They have a greater tolerance for pain. They use health-promoting behaviors. They also have a lower risk for depression, anxiety, and heart disease.

Feldman advises setting personally meaningful goals and checking to see where your hope falters — is it with the plan or the motivation? Allow yourself to daydream, he says. It’s a wonderful source of hope and, therefore, happiness.

Happiness Barrier No. 5: Suppressing sadness

Solution: Feel the real

Having a positive outlook doesn’t mean you never allow yourself to feel sadness. The parents who try to protect their children from dashed hopes — or any kind of sadness — may actually produce the opposite effect than is intended, says James R. Doty, MD, director of the Center for Compassion and Altruism Research and Education at Stanford University. Some suffering, he says, makes you a whole person and allows you to acclimate and move forward in your life. Doty speaks from experience. He had an alcoholic father and invalid mother. He lived on public assistance for much of his youth.

“Happiness is not the absence of sadness,” says David Spiegel, MD, medical director of the Center for Integrative Medicine at Stanford University School of Medicine. It is not a stiff upper lip or the pop psychology mantra, intoning “always stay upbeat” in the face of cancer. “Phony happiness is not good.” By suppressing sadness, you suppress other, more positive emotions, as well, he says, so people who try to suppress emotions actually become more anxious and depressed.

By finding outlets for sadness and frustration, you gain some measure of control, Spiegel says. Using others as a sounding board — not as a toxic dumping ground — can help convert generalized anxiety and depression into targeted feelings you can address with specific solutions.

Happiness Barrier No. 6: Navel-gazing

Solution: Connect with others

How important are social networks to your happiness? Perhaps even more important than you realized. A recent 20-year study of more than 4,000 people showed that happiness is influenced not just by your immediate friends and family. The happiness of a friend of a friend of a friend — someone you’ve never even met — can also influence your happiness. It turns out that happiness can spread through social networks, like a virus.

Unfortunately, many people spend so much time by themselves navel gazing, they don’t benefit from this positive “contagion.”

The more self-absorbed you are, the more your world closes in, and the less realistic you become, all of which produces a vicious circle. “You become oblivious to the needs of others, and the world shrinks still more, making you less able to see outside yourself.” If asked, ‘Why are your problems so special?” says Jinpa, you might respond, “Because they’re mine!”

“If you have such a huge ego, you’re setting yourself up as a huge target, which can easily get hit,” Jinpa says. But using a “wide-angle lens” instead helps you see connections you wouldn’t otherwise see, such as the universality of suffering. All it may take is having a loved one diagnosed with a serious disease to realize how many people are grappling with similar challenges. Feeling joined by others on this journey provides some comfort and happiness.

The straightest path to making connections like these? Compassion and caring for others.

Even primates seem to understand this, says Robert M. Sapolsky, PhD, author of Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers and research associate with the Institute of Primate Research at the National Museum of Kenya. Primates that groom each other after a stressful event experience a reduction in blood pressure. The clincher? Grooming others has a greater impact than getting groomed, says Sapolsky.

Compassion engages us with others, removes isolation, builds resilience, and leads to deep fulfillment, says Doty. “Without compassion, happiness is simply short-lived pleasure.”

Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, may have said it best: “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion; if you want to be happy, practice compassion.”

By Annie Stuart

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The arrival of the new year marks a symbolic time for fresh starts. Many of us take it as an opportunity to set goals, contemplate decisions, and renew commitments. It’s special because of the revitalized sense of hope it brings.

Before you make your New Year’s resolutions for 2009, I’d like to share some thoughts about how it’s never too late to start living a rich life.

The Live Rich Factor
Most people believe that if they just had more money, the things that make them unhappy would disappear and their lives would be better. The truth is that your life can be better without more money. It can be better today, but you need to make some decisions and take some actions.
You don’t need me to tell you what will make you happy — only you know that truth.

I believe each of us has the power to discover our purpose and become joyful in the process of journeying toward that purpose. It’s not easy, however. Nothing important and meaningful ever is.
What you need to do is create what I call the “Live Rich Factor” in your life. I call it this because those who find the purpose that leads them to joy are truly the luckiest people in the world, because they’re living richly.

There are five basic principles involved in creating your Live Rich Factor:

Principle 1: Give Yourself a Break
We all tell ourselves the story of the one that got away. You can’t move forward if you spend time focusing on what you shoulda-woulda-coulda done in 2008 or before. It’s over, and its time to move on. The fastest way I know to do this is to write all of your regrets down on paper.

Make a list of all your personal and financial if-onlys. For example, “If only I had saved more money. If only I hadn’t quit that job. If only I hadn’t taken the job I have.” You get the idea.

After reading the list aloud to yourself, get rid of it. Let it all go by literally burning the list (safely). Now you’re ready for a fresh start in 2008 — a new beginning.

Principle 2: Get Connected with Your Truth
The hardest thing to do is be honest with yourself. Asking yourself some key questions will lead you to some amazing discoveries, and possibly motivate you to do what it takes to create the life you envision for yourself.

I suggest writing your (honest) answers to the following questions in a new journal for the new year:

What makes you happy at work?

What makes you happy at home?

What makes you happy with your friends and family?

What makes you happy when you’re by yourself?

What do you love to do?

What would you do with your life today if you weren’t afraid of failure?

What’s not working in your life?

What are you currently doing that prevents you from experiencing joy?

What’s working in your life?

Who’s not working in your life?

Who in your life is subtracting value from and adding misery to it?

Can you fix any of these relationships, or should you let them go from your life?

What relationships are working in your life?

If we were getting together one year from today, what would have to happen for you to be able to tell me that you now have more joy in your life?

What’s the single most important thing you’ve learned about yourself as a result of answering these questions?

You’ll find that by putting your answers down on paper, they’ll become clear more quickly and the actions you need to take more obvious and easier to initiate.

Principle 3: Stop Judging Yourself
Be nicer to yourself in 2007. Many people talk to themselves in a way they would never accept from a stranger, friend, or loved one. If this describes you, try stopping the negative conversations you have with yourself immediately.

For one week, simply commit to saying “stop it” when you think a negative thought about yourself. If you’re in the habit of saying negative things to yourself, you’ll find this is one of the most difficult exercises you’ll ever do. Carry a notepad with you and make a mark each time you catch yourself thinking negatively. You’ll find that as the days go by, your negative thinking can quickly be reduced.

Principle 4: Stop Judging Others
It’s hard to be joyful when you’re always judging others. In fact, it’s close to impossible. Judging others creates a huge amount of stress in our lives. It affects our marriages and our relationships with our kids as well as the way we relate to friends, co-workers, and society in general.
We’re not here to judge one another.

The next time you find yourself upset at someone or some situation, catch yourself and ask, “Are you judging?” Judging others is often an unconscious habit. But it’s a habit that can be changed the moment you decide to stop doing it.

Principle 5 : Pursue Fun with a Vengeance
It’s OK to pursue fun. It’s what children do. My greatest joy these days is the simple pleasure of playing with my three-year-old son, Jack.

This holiday season with Jack taught me the simple power of pursuing fun — again and again. What was fun for Jack this Christmas? It turns out it wasn’t the Big Wheel that my wife, Michelle, and I stayed up so late building on Christmas Eve. And it wasn’t the Star Wars Lego toy (although he was pretty excited about that).

Instead, what Jack found the most fun was a new game I made up to keep him entertained. The game was called Geronimo — and it involved Jack jumping from the bed onto a stack of pillows yelling “Geronimo!” This silly little game ended up bringing us both hours of fun. The price of the game: nothing. The fun: priceless. And the laughs? Endless.

Why do we stop pursing fun as we get older? Fun shouldn’t be squeezed into a few weeks of vacation each year. And it shouldn’t be squeezed into the last chapter of your life when you “get to” retire. Fun deserves to be a part of your life now — in 2009.

But fun doesn’t just happen. You have to make it a priority in your life or it’ll go missing. Life’s too short to not have it.

So here’s to a fun, happy, and healthy New Year. Cheers!

by David Bach - The Automatic Millionaire

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In the words of prolific British novelist Arnold Bennett, “Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.” So if you find change difficult to handle, you’re not alone; many others grapple with both the benefits and challenges brought about by change. Take solace in the fact that change happens to everyone everyday; it’s the one constant in life, the thing that connects us all.

Perhaps life has handed you a challenging change, or maybe you’ve initiated a change you’ve always wanted to make. At First30Days, we believe that the change you’re currently experiencing can be made easier, smoother and less stressful; we’re going to share proven tips and techniques to help you cope with this change—be it a career change, relationship change, health change or financial change—with hope, optimism and serenity.

At First30Days, we’ve developed nine principles, or secrets, to help you move through change to reach your destination successfully. We believe that creating an entirely new perspective on change—a new mindset about the transitions you face—will help you become a “Change Optimist” and love your life even more.

1. Change Your View of Change: Beliefs Can Make all the Difference

The things that you believe about change—and about yourself—will directly affect how successfully you move through your current transition, whether you’re in day one, day 30 or years past the start of the change.
People who fear change usually believe that change is hard, which lays bare all of their anxieties and insecurities. They then feel paralyzed and unable to move past this change for fear of failure. On the other hand, there are people who believe that change is a positive thing that will help them grow and learn. These “Change Optimists” also believe that something exciting is waiting for them on the other side of the transition—even if they can’t see the benefit now.

The good news is: we can identify and bust the myths and fears we have about change. Don’t ask the traditional disempowering questions during change, such as “Why did this happen to me?” and “How will I ever get through this?” Kick-start a new belief about change with a few new questions, like “What could be great about this change?,” “What opportunity has this change brought to me?,” “What good things in my life haven’t changed?” and “What can I be grateful for?” When you ask these positive questions, you’ll notice your outlook on change beginning to shift to the positive.

2. The Change Guarantee™: From This Situation, Something Good Will Come

Even though it’s hard to imagine while you’re in the middle of a change, the transition you’re going through is opening up your life and leading you toward a brighter future. Every change will eventually bring something good into your life: This is the Change Guarantee. It may not be how, what or when they expect, but those who navigate change successfully know that it always brings a gift into their lives.

Maybe you’ve been fired and unemployed for months; it’s likely that a new, rewarding career is on your horizon. Maybe you’ve divorced and believe that you’ll never fall in love again; it’s possible that the best relationship of your life is right around the corner. Perhaps you’ve had a heart attack; by permanently changing the way you eat and exercise, you’re in for the best years of your life. Your current change is already working to lead you to a brighter future.

3. The Change Muscle™: You’re Stronger than You Think

Those who successfully move through change know they’re resilient, strong and capable of getting through anything. There’s something within every human being that supports us and keeps us alive and moving forward: We’re born with a will to survive, a will to heal and a will to be happier and feel good again. Your Change Muscle is the strength that’s created from all of the changes that you’ve been through—the big changes, small changes, unexpected changes and the changes you, yourself, have initiated.

Change gets easier the more we live through it. Our brains and bodies tend to remember the last time we experienced change—recalling that it didn’t kill us. When we take the time to look back, we remember that something positive eventually came from it, as well. Reinforce the strength of your Change Muscle by creating a Change Resume™, a private document that lists all of the changes that you’ve already lived through. Include changes big and small—from switching schools or moving to a new city to surviving a serious accident or getting divorced. Every change, both positive and challenging, will strengthen your Change Muscle and help you get through the change you’re experiencing today—and the changes you will certainly face in the future.

4. Change Demons: How to Recognize Negative Emotions and Move Past Them

People who move easily through change know that every challenging emotion can be replaced with a positive emotion that will help strengthen their resolve to move through change in a calmer, more optimistic way. The Change Demons—the negative emotions of fear, doubt, impatience, blame, guilt and shame that rear their ugly heads during change—can each be substituted for a brighter emotion.

Replace fear with faith. The next time fear shows up, find your faith—faith in yourself, in spirituality, in Life or in the certainty that this situation will change.

Replace doubt with surrender. During change, it’s natural to doubt. The next time you feel doubtful, trust that things will resolve themselves and become clear.

Replace impatience with endurance. It’s natural to want to charge through change as quickly as possible. But the next time you feel impatient, remember that every change depends on your endurance—your ability to wait for the next phase of your life to progress at its own pace.

Replace blame with honesty. During change, we often look for someone to blame for the pain or stress that we’re experiencing. When you find yourself blaming someone, especially yourself, get radically honest by asking yourself: “What’s the truth?” “What’s really happening?” “What can I do to make it better?”

Replace guilt with forgiveness. People have the ability to feel guilty about anything. The next time you feel guilty, forgive yourself and make your guilt a thing of the past.

Replace shame with honor. The changes you’re experiencing may cause you to feel ashamed of what’s happening in your life. When shame comes up, use it as an opportunity to honor your choices, decisions and mistakes.

5. The Gift of Acceptance: Resisting Change is Not the Answer

Change Optimists know that the quicker they accept change, the less pain and hardship they will feel. When you accept change, it means that you take in your new circumstances without fighting, arguing, explaining or asking, “What if?”

Think of yourself as a boat on the river: When you resist change, it’s as if you’re rowing upstream against the current, when everything that’s right for you is downstream. Change becomes hard when you try to get back upstream to where you once were instead of flowing with the “River of Life.” Clinging to the rocks or rowing vigorously back upstream makes change tough.

Resisting change often makes life more difficult; with time, we always adjust to new ways of living.

 

6. The Things You Can Control: What You Say, Think and Feel

Those who successfully navigate change know that when they feel “stuck,” speaking different words, thinking positive thoughts and getting in touch with their feelings can help them become “unstuck” in a matter of minutes. Though you can’t control how or when things change in your life, you can control the words you say, the dominant thoughts you believe and the emotions you allow yourself to feel. When you stop trying to control your outside circumstances and work, instead, to control what goes on inside of yourself, you’ll be on your way to loving your life more.

You can begin to control your words, thoughts and feelings today by:

• Becoming aware of the language you use to describe the change you’re experiencing. Trade victim vocabulary for words that are uplifting and empowering.
• Noticing your thought patterns. When you change the way you think, you begin to control the movies that play in your mind: You have the power to make them bright, dark, negative, lonely or uplifting.
• Realizing that all feelings—the positive and the challenging—become your compass while navigating change; they help point you in the optimistic direction by alerting you to how you don’t want to feel and how you do want to feel.

7. Meet Your Spiritual Side: Where Tranquility, Ideas and Wisdom Live

When going through change, Change Optimists know that they need to look for the part of themselves that doesn’t change and is always there—the part that’s calm and centered. This is their spiritual side, and it will help them move through change with ease and grace.

When you tap into this side of yourself, you’re connecting with an army of invisible forces that are just waiting to help you. You can tune into this resource every day by simply turning inward and noticing how things feel.

Start tapping into your spiritual side today by embracing quiet time: You can take a walk, sit in silence, pray, express your gratitude or meditate. The method doesn’t matter, just be sure to take a few minutes and explore yourself on the inside. Your spiritual side is always there; once you become aware of it, you’ll feel its stability, guidance and gentle suggestions.

 

8. Your Change Support Team: The People and Things That Can Help

Those who successfully work through change create an environment that supports their evolution by surrounding themselves with supportive people. Saying three simple words—“I need help”—will produce an incredible amount of assistance. You may fear that saying those words makes you weak, but research proves that people find it easier to get through change when they’re in a positive group environment.

When going through change, it’s important, as well, to surround yourself with things that are symbols of comfort, positive memories and power. If you lose your way during the transition, these items are there to get you back on course. Any object that’s uplifting can help you get through change: It can be a teddy bear, a trinket, a card, a candle, a photo of something or someone, an inspirational quote or a lucky stone. There are no rules for the things that give you strength.

9. Get Unstuck: Actions to Move You Through Any Change

As people who embrace change have realized, another secret to navigating transitions is to get moving. Physical motion prevents you from getting stuck and allows you to progress onward. When we go through change, emotional, physical and psychic energy is swirling around us—staying still prevents that energy from circulating. When you don’t know what to do, just start moving. You can do anything—go for a walk, do the dishes, hit the gym, water the plants or organize your closets.

Movement is key during change, and so is health—it’s essential to take care of yourself during transitions. Doing so will help you move through change in an easier and calmer way. Remember the concept of S.E.E.D.: Sleep, Eat, Exercise and Drink (water that is!). Be sure to get just enough sleep (though sleeping too much isn’t helpful), eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly and drink lots of water. The S.E.E.D. will help you get through change faster by giving you the strength and vitality to move forward without getting stuck.

Now’s the perfect time to begin looking at change differently—for the first 30 days and for the rest of your life. Change is something at which you can get better—it’s a skill you can learn and a path to loving your life even more! Have a wonderful, uplifting journey!

from First30Days.com

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